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Poll

Votes: 15

My TV crush

Author:

First Incision

Topic:

Diaries

Posted:

Nov 08, 2001

Comments:

A few months back, I saw a girl on a game show, and became infatuated with her. I know that sounds stupid, but it happened. I then did one of the freakier things I have ever done in my life. I summoned the dark magical powers of The Google to track her down. Through luck or the grace of God, I found her AIM screen name. After many days of trials and tribulations, and consultation with friends both male and female, I sent her a message.

In a move that totally surprised me, rather than say "Leave me alone, stalker!" she was flattered that she had a fan, and we had a nice conversation. We've been talking online for three months now, nothing too deep, or emotional, just your average online shooting of the breeze. I'm sure you can see where this is going.

What now? We are comfortable talking to each other, and I'm wondering if I should somehow try to pursue something deeper. But there are several reasons I shouldn't.

1. It would be really weird. She might find it freaky that a random guy who saw her on TV is making a move toward her. And I don't even know if she has a boyfriend.

2. She lives halfway across the country.

3. We've never actually met. I don't know that I'm really interested. Any attraction I have toward her is from something I saw on TV, and stuff typed on a screen. It feels nothing like the attraction I feel for someone I have had a face-to-face conversation with.

Nevertheless, I'm single, and have no real prospects down here. And it would make quite a story, if we did end up falling in love.

So, readers, what is your advice? How would you broach the topic?

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	My newfound non-conformity
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	The recession can't touch me!
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	Thomas Kinkade: Jigsaw Review
	My brush with a playmate
	Playmate update
	Biblical sexiness
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	The Caffeine Fix
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	first INCISION (5.00 / 1) (#1)
	by osm on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 10:02:56 PM PST

	have your testicles removed immediately. it is your only hope for true spiritual enlightenment. i give up.

	A beautiful quote I heard the other day (none / 0) (#2)
	by nx01 on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 10:08:39 PM PST

	"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." I think that just about sums it up. Good luck! "Every time I look at the X window system, it's so fucking stupid; and part of me feels responsible for the worst parts of it." -- James Gosling

	A TV admirer.. (none / 0) (#3)
	by yellownumber5 on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 10:17:48 PM PST

	...isn't all that different from one sitting across the room. You saw her, she just didn't happen to see you. I'd say go for it, if you lived in the same area. The time spent maintaining a long distance relationship usually has a very unfavorable feeling good to feeling bad ratio. Remember that.

	Online love kills (none / 0) (#4)
	by Hagbard Celine on Fri Nov 9th, 2001 at 11:52:34 AM PST

	First of all, which game show was she on and how did she do? Online romance doesn't work so well..it's wierd. I think that meeting someone online sort of gets rid of all the usual first impression bullshit and allows mind to mind contact but it still gives you no idea as to how the person really acts in everyday life. However, if she won the grand prize on some big game show and is super wealthy, go for it. I think the world needs a lot more sugar mommas. PFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT

	Speaking from experience (none / 0) (#5)
	by Mendax Veritas on Fri Nov 9th, 2001 at 03:02:34 PM PST

	online is not a good place to find true love. Let's sum up what you know about each other: You saw her on TV. She was presumably on her best behavior there, since she knew full well she was being watched by millions of people. You have exchanged email with her. This is a very limited-bandwidth channel. You basically have learned nothing about her that she did not want to tell you (and vice versa). Even to the extent that she has tried to be honest with you, you are still wholly dependent on her level of self-understanding, which may not be very high. You know nothing about any personal habits she might have that would drive you up the wall. Maybe she picks her nose a lot, or has funny stains in the crotch of her underwear because she doesn't wash very carefully, or has religious views you wouldn't want to deal with which she has not told you about either because it hasn't come up or she thought you wouldn't like her opinions. You never know; maybe she's been honest with you about the things you've discussed, or maybe she hasn't. Without a fair amount of face-to-face time, you'll never know. And that's kind of hard to get with her living a thousand miles or more away. Back in the early '90s, when I was active on Usenet newsgroups, one day I got an email from a woman who found my postings witty and amusing (no accounting for taste, I guess). I was uninvolved and without prospects at the time, and she was in a relationship she had outgrown. We corresponded for a while, then started talking on the phone, and mailed photos to each other. Eventually we took turns visiting each other's natural habitats and became lovers. But problems quickly developed. We had built up high expectations for our relationship, and had a lot of illusions about how wonderful it was going to be. But once we were together, of course, things weren't perfect (no relationship ever is). At first we both denied to ourselves (and each other) that there were problems, but that denial only fostered resentment. Before long, it all ended wretchedly. This is not to say that all relationships that start out as long-distance correspondence are doomed, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier. To find out if you want to be with someone, you have to spend a lot of time with them to see how the two of you feel together and whether your lifestyles are compatible, and whether the feelings you have for each other are really love or just friendship. There's so much about a person that you can't possibly learn by correspondence, and those things are critical to a successful relationship. Take a chance on this if you want, but be aware that the odds in a situation like this are much worse than with someone local. Don't let yourself get carried away with hopes and dreams, and definitely don't start thinking that you really know her, or that the two of you are in love, until you've spent considerable time together and have had time to evaluate the events of that time.

	Thanks (none / 0) (#6)
	by First Incision on Fri Nov 9th, 2001 at 03:14:04 PM PST

	Thanks for the reply, sage advice frome someone with experience. I appreciate that. Many of the things you stated were worries I have. I also realized I forgot (repressed something?) in my original entry: the Peer Pressure factor. Many of friends saw watched her on the game show, when it was rerun. So there is also the "Dude! That chick is awesome! I can't believe you are actually talking to her!" factor in all of this. Really, I know the whole thing is rather absurd, and I should just be realistic. But I've always had a fascination with the absurd (hence my love of this site), and it would seem to kill the "plot" if I were to never attempt to form a relationship. _ _ Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

	Peer factor (none / 0) (#8)
	by Mendax Veritas on Fri Nov 9th, 2001 at 03:43:17 PM PST

	The one thing you absolutely must do is put your friends' opinions out of your mind. It's hard enough keeping a clear head about your own expectations when you're thinking about how cool your friends will think you are for winning her affection. Their approval, or their respect for you, is irrelevant to whether your can or should be involved with this woman. It would be that much harder for you to acknowledge that she wasn't right for you (if such were the case) if you had any goal other than doing what's right for the two of you. As for the plot: there isn't one, or at least, you don't know what it is. You have been presented with an ordeal. Is the "correct" answer to show your daring by going for the brass (or gold) ring, or to show your discretion by not entering into something potentially disastrous? My suggestion would be to go one step at a time, slowly, with both eyes open and a realistic awareness of the dangers. (I am, needless to say, recommending exactly what I did not do.) There are a few good tests that might eliminate her from contention before things got too far along. You can probably find ways to ask about these in casual correspondence. How attached is she to the area she lives in? Would either of you consider moving across the country for love? Would the two of you, together, have enough earning potential to satisfy you both? Are you in agreement about basic issues like religion, whether you want children (and if so, how many, and how would they be raised), and whether you believe in life-long monogamy? You get the idea.

	I believe I've already stated my opinion (none / 0) (#7)
	by elby on Fri Nov 9th, 2001 at 03:22:50 PM PST

	on the subject -lb

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