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How sad it is when a great empire crumbles.
In the 1960s the British automobile industry was the envy of the entire world. With thoroughbred marques such as Rolls Royce, Bentley, Aston Martin, MG and Austin Healey, Britain's rivetheads were producing the goods and the world simply could not get enough. But then, in 1974, something terrible happened... |
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Socialism managed to retake the reigns of power in Britian and proceeded to wreck her auto industry from within.
The lacklusture performance of fat music-loving possibly homosexual Nuremburg rally attending Bilderberg group member and yachtsman Edward Heath allowed Harold Wilson a second chance at the job he so clearly botched in the '60s. Shadowy influences at home and from behind the Iron Curtain and currency devaluation notwithstanding, Wilson and his Communist buddies were now in charge, and in typical Communist fashion they wasted no time and immediately set about attempting to destroy Capitalism, and along with it freedom, dignity, respect, family values and religion. The British Automobile industry was a prime target for their hate. Wilson decided to steal the British Auto industry from its owners. He didn't use that word, preferring to use the Communist word for theft: Nationalization. That's right, In 1975 Wilson simply issued a diktat saying that the Government owned all the British Auto manufacturers. He lumped them all together in a giant inefficient state-run behemoth known as 'British Leyland'. The stockholders were given no compensation. It was quite literally highway robbery. Wilson then ensured that Communist doctrine would hold sway throughout the industry by installing his puppet Derek 'Red Robbo' Robinson as the managing director of the stolen corporation. Wilson's trusted aide Robbo was then tasked with ensuring that the industry was run in a Communist way. Strict demarcation of job tasks was the order of the day. For example, at BL's enormous Longbridge plant Robbo's Communist working practices ensured that fifteen people were required for the simple task of fitting a wheel onto the newly designed Austin Maxi. Three 'Wheel Carriers', two 'Pressure checkers', a 'Torque checker' a 'Bolt setter', four 'Saftey Observers', two 'Bolt turners', one 'Working Practices Compliance officer' and a 'Beverage technician' (whose job was to ensure that there was always a hot cup of tea or 'cuppa' ready for the workers at all times). But this pathological inefficiency was not enough for the meglomaniac Wilson. He was worried about getting re-elected for another term of office, he was behind in the opinion polls, news of his shady business connections was beginning to surface. He needed a way to unite public opinion behind his insane Communistic ideology and hence behind the Wilson election campaign. It was then that he had his greatest brainwave. The crazy 70's design of the Bond Bug seems like a fun car, in the spirit of the decade. However, a closer look reveals that this car was designed in order to promote homosexuality, and thus more inclined to believe in Socialist ideas. Notice the two seater configuration of the vehicle. Where do the children sit ? You guessed it, there are no rear seats, meaning that the car cannot carry children. A clear indicator that the driver and passenger of the car may well be a homosexual couple. Take another look. The car is ORANGE! Clearly no red-blooded heterosexual male would choose this color, but there was no choice. In true Socialist style, the choice of color was not left to the consumer. No, that was left to the apparachtiks at British Leyland, hence orange was the color, take it or leave it, like it or lump it. Take yet another look. This car only has three wheels. Again we can see the homosexual agenda of the Communist-run car industry at work. Clearly the whole concept of a three wheeled vehicle is perverse. By making the pervese seem acceptable, Leylands automobile designers set the agenda for their homosexualist and Communist brainwashing of the British public. But it didn't stop there! The Communist car designers in power at British Leyland could not bear for the success of an individual to be reflected in his exquisite taste in vehicular transportation, so they made it impossible for the consumer to do so. By the simple technique of designing terrible ugly cars that nobody (not even a Communist) could love. Cast your eyes over these motorised mingers: Faced with driving these ugly lumps of metal, suddenly homosexuality seemed somehow more 'normal' to the people of the UK. Wilson's heinous plan appeared to be working. The homosexualist movement gathered more and more powers. The people became more and more Communisticly inclined, forming 'Trade Unions' and going on strike almost every day of the year, until a fateful day in 1979 when a certain Mrs Thatcher stepped in and stopped the rot. She had her work cut out for her, but she took to the task with brutal efficiency. She turned back the tide of Socialism, but to this very day, the homosexual impulses awakened by the lurid orange three-wheeler still persist. Perhaps British men will always be just that little bit gay thanks to this cheeky fibreglass 70's icon. Who knows ?
One thing is for certain - the British car industry never managed to recover from Harold Wilson's meddling. |
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