What does this have to do with Microsoft? Well, the British have the monopoly on tea. They will complain that Americans wouldn't know a good cup of tea if it bit them in the... what... "arse"? Yes, tea is the trademark of the almighty Great Britain, just as Windows is the trademark of the almighty Great Microsoft.

But, just as everything that is Windows was stolen from any number of other truly innovative companies, everything that is Britain was stolen from any number of other truly innovative (and genuinely cultured) countries.

Tea for example, was stolen from India during the height of British colonialism. And let's not forget the Opium Wars, where the British Empire simply took over the opium trade in the far East. The first drug lords.

The similarities go from the subtle and insidious to the obvious and absurd. Just look at Bill Gates - his pasty white flesh, that inbred look, that smug attitude. If I actually thought it possible for an Englishman to come to the United States and actually be successful in a free market (even if it was through less than moral means), I would suspect the national origins of Mr. Gates. As it is, I just have to accept that he is merely an aberration of our normally highest-quality gene pool.

Where am I going with this? Actually, I forgot. But I will say this: Mr. Gates, you'd better not forget what happened to Britain when they bombed Perl Harbor.