It has been roughly two thousand years now, since the last sighting of God was made. Sure, we have been witness to a few scaremongers claiming that they see God everyday, but normal citizens can be rest assured that God is still missing.

But don't let a two thousand year lack of presence put you off your guard. Any moment now, God could return and wreck havoc upon our civilisation. In all fairness he must be extremely pissed off with us by now (excuse my welsh), he is likely to be planning his revenge even as you read this.

That is why it is imperative that we prepare ourselves for his return. A recent story on Adequacy.org has disclosed information which proves that American technology is now at a point where it can defeat God in a straight battle. However there is no doubt that God will realise this and will instead resort to more sinister tactics such as releasing anthrax in New York or detonating a dirty bomb in Washington DC.

Yes, while President Bush fruitlessly tries to track down a bearded, yet harmless miscreant in Afghanistan, we are under threat of being attacked by a far greater foe who, lets not forget, has already destroyed humanity once and may do it again.

I propose that we force our governments to raise security ten fold. As God is most likely to attack from above, I would like to see a higher security presence at airports. I would also like to see metal detectors placed in church entrances and have all priests carrying radiation detectors. It is the only way, we have to give a little bit of our freedom in exchange for a safer tommorow.