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I generally steer clear of musicians 'cause they usually have fidelity quotents only slightly larger than their shoe size or are already married and have a strict "no poaching" rule. I'm also a slave to those circumstances where the chemistry is definitely present -- an awkward visit to "first base" just cut it, truth be known. ;)
But one rare exception to this rule of thumb is worth mentioning, I think. Had a two-year intermittent fling with someone who's name you'd not likely recognize (he's one of that rare breed that can make his living on stage and still manage to keep some semblance of a private life); it suited me well and it was enjoyable and interesting. We were both in a phase of life where we were on the road and we'd hook up every now and again in different cities. Every once in a while another woman would walk up to us at a show and say something like "Hi, Paul -- Remember me? I'm from Charlotte, North Carolina?", asking to be recognized/remembered. I became quite adept at the art of "momentary invisibility", fading into the background quickly, particularly if he flashed me a certain crooked, sheepish smile. (Grace and poise are everything in such circumstances; jealousy is a big no-no in that world if you want to keep your heart intact.) He'd talk with her for a few minutes and eventually find his way back to me, and that was enough to keep me happy while it lasted (we joked about this, calling the interlopers "road kill", but, oddly enough, not unkindly). Similarly, the last time I laid eyes on him in the flesh was when I ran into him on the street one day and introduced him to the man I was engaged to marry -- and he was equally graceful as I passed along that bit of news, even as I watched something changing in his eyes -- performers are always on stage, are they not?
Every once in a while I'd show up in some city where he wasn't expecting me to be and play a game where I'd see how long it would take him to realize I was there. It never mattered -- the audience could be huge, I could try to blend into the crowd and stay away from the stage or walk in to a club in the middle of a group of friends, cut off the "tangled mane of curls (tm)" or wear a hat, etc. -- I always lost and he'd spot me almost instantly despite my best effort, lock eyes with me, bow slightly and smile for me. He was always happy to see me for as long as I was around (I was somehow exempted from the "polite conversation" routine). That's how I knew it was real for him, too. And it was good for both of us until I changed the rules by deciding to try settling down again -- it was mutually understood that that option just wasn't part of what we shared.
Let's just say that while it's a dynamic I understand/comprehend and that I am capable of playing out with some degree of finesse, it's not a role I'd be willing to take on for the long haul.
Seize the moment the next time an opportunity presents itself -- let that be the lesson you carry from the missed concert (instead of kicking yourself for a reason you can't even remember now!) Next time, just go. And, for what it's worth, there's plenty of well-edited video of Nirvana with excellent sound quality -- the memories remain after all.
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