Yes, the US is a country of beer drinkers. This has always been known, but only recently have the masses made the sad attempt to elevate beer drinking to the level of connoisseurship. The reasons for this are no different than those which cause young girls to fawn over boy bands, giggling amongst themselves about the supposed differences from one to the next. They simply do not know any better because they lack the maturity - and the degree of taste that it brings - to understand why something they love is in fact no better than goat piss.

Admittedly, the world of wine and spirits is a bit involved for someone who debates whether to have a Whopper or a Big Mac for lunch. Wine alone has multiple divisions and subdivisions, starting with the basics of grape color, and ending with a bewildering array of Merlots, Gewrurztraminers, Pinot Noirs and so on, not to mention all the regional differences. This level of complexity is simply beyond the abilities of someone who can only characterize their drink as "yeasty" or "hoppy", knowing only whether the beverage more resembles a vaginal infection or an additive used to prevent ergot poisoning.

Perhaps the world of fine wines is best left not understood, lest it be dragged into the swirling quagmire of ignorance that spirits are subject to in this country. Never mind that a typical American can't tell the difference between a Glenhaven Single Malt and an Usquaebach Blended, they don't even understand the differences (or similarities!) between Scotch and Bourbon. As far as they are concerned, the entire purpose of a spirit is to get really drunk really fast, leading them to things like Everclear. Relegating spirits to the realm of projectile vomiting, they never learn to appreciate the mineral overtones of Citadelle Gin or the caramelized fruit palate of Ron Zacapa Centenario Rum.

Even when Americans do make an attempt at enjoying a mixed drink, they do it incorrectly, or at least badly. Take the resurging popularity of martinis, for example. Thousands and thousands of young adults thinking they are sophisticated by asking simply for "a martini", and countless bartenders across the land giving them vodka and vermouth without a second thought. Nothing wrong with vodka martinis, of course, but a proper martini is made with gin. If the customer isn't knowledgeable enough to specifically ask for the correct drink, then it is the duty of a qualified bartender to request that they be more clear and thereby help educate the young. Of course, this never happens.

Liqueur and brandy? Nope, those words are not even in the US vocabulary. A relaxing nightcap is the same as what was used to wash down hotdogs at the baseball game. An after dinner cocktail? Beer. Celebrating a business deal? Beer. Proposing to your girlfriend on a romantic, moonlit terrace overlooking the ocean? Pop open a brewski and belch like a dying hippopotamus.

Of course, as mentioned above, there is this need to feel that swilling brackish, bubbly barley is some sort of art form. People give names and descriptions to the stuff like it means something, and even hold tastings in some desperate attempt to emulate the wine societies. Further, they laud the products of "micro-breweries" as something special, when the only thing that makes them different is that they can't sell enough to keep the price reasonable. And as a final pathetic ploy to gain respect, there is some idiotic "home brewing" trend floating about, ostensibly under the pretense that somebody who spends all day in an office looking at a computer screen is capable of taking the ingredients used throughout history to produce the drink of commoners and somehow crafting them into the elixir of the gods.

I fully expect that the US will remain a beer drinking nation. I have no problem with this, since it is well-established that nobody here is capable of appreciating fine cuisine and beverages. What I object to is the attempted elevation of the practice into something it is not. Beer is not a delicate flower, blooming in your glass like ouzo. Beer is not a hand-crafted product learned of from ancestors like grappa. Beer is a cheap, unremarkable drink created solely for the sake of satisfying the rank of file of society in as simple and practical a manner possible. Do not pretend it is anything else.