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Poll
What to do next?
Keep the faith 8%
Throw in the towel 0%
Reenact "Castaway" to the best of my ability 8%
Go to New Orleans for a "mental health break" (where the predators are at least honest about it) 16%
Cultivate agoraphobia and/or social anxiety disorder 0%
Get religion 25%
Get mushrooms and make a wicked batch of tea 16%
Get laid 25%
Curl up in the bathtub with a good book 0%
Actively petition my gods to make me a sparrow the next time around 0%

Votes: 12

 The universe is speaking to me...

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 10, 2001
 Comments:
Question is, how should I respond?

At the risk of sharkbites, I still think this is worth posting. But first, here's the comic relief/source of inspiration I cling to: "Angel Bait". It's posted on the wall of my cattle pen so I see it almost every day.

diaries

More diaries by chloedancer
State of mind
It delights yet dishevels me...
Your possible pasts
A troll worthy of muse status, believe it or not...
Hating the idiocy that is my job today...
Paradigm Shift
State of Mind Redux
Divination al? Peanuts
Relational Dissonance
Hard Truths
Got my escape route planned...
Impending Career Change
El Dia de Los Muertos
I am so completely enamored
Home for the holidays? No! Send my body home!
Harrison's Last Laugh
Dare ya, osm! Here's your chance to prove your devotion!
My little brother, Jem
A Beautiful Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste
Anthem
Reality Check
Why I enjoy being a girl
On my way to an off-site meeting today, I decided to take the I-5 express lanes so I could drop by my house to grab an umbrella and a book before getting trapped in what was likely to be several hours of boredom. About a mile from my exit, I noticed a car pulled over and three people who were trying to hitch a ride. I've only been commuting via personal vehicle for little more than a year now and generally stop for anyone who's stranded. I picked up a 40-something woman and two teenagers; apparently their car had run out of gas and they were cold and wet.

So we headed off to the nearest gas station. The woman was seated in the passenger seat next to me, and the teens were in the back. We chatted a bit; they thanked me for picking them up and I thanked them for delaying my arrival at the aforementioned meeting. The woman next to me brought up the topic of the WTC attack and I mentioned that I'd noticed that people seemed to have been being nicer to one another for about three weeks afterward, but that unfortunately the status quo of "everyone out for themselves" seemed to have returned again in full force -- yet another bit of tragedy, in my mind. We arrived at the gas station and I got out of the car, retrieving my bag from the footwell of the back seat. I was going to offer to help out with the cost of the gas can and gas -- until I noticed that my wallet was now cash-free.

I pointed this out to the folks I'd picked up, stating that I knew that there had been about 20 bucks that was now missing. The woman who had been sitting next to me immediately proclaimed her innocence, and I stated quietly that I knew it wasn't her doing, but instead that I thought it was more likely a result of action taken by the girl who'd been seated behind me. I asked for a little honesty, but none was delivered; the girl said nothing. I said that I knew the cash was there when I left my office because I'd checked to be certain that I had enough to cover parking in the event that a free spot wasn't available. The awkward silence continued and I realized that everyone knew the score but no one else was brave enough to acknowledge this; it was surreal. I could tell that the girl was angry for having been caught; she left to go about the business of getting the gas can and gas and the rest of us waited without speaking.

I gave them a lift back to their car, despite. I decided that the amount lost wasn't enough to be angry about (and had verified that nothing else was missing); it also wasn't important enough to change my willingness to help, either. Call me whatever you wish; all I can offer in my defense is my belief that the day that I am like most of the other so-called humans around me is the day I lose.

The comic (cosmic?) irony of the conversation and the events was absolutely sublime, all things considered. And its message is sadly one I'm tripping across with an almost alarming degree of frequency these days... it seems like the more I give, the more others take. That's the part I haven't figured out how to deal with yet; I just wish I wasn't so close to saying "Screw it!" and throwing my hat into the ring with everybody else.

For now, all I know is this -- I realize it could have been worse. The next time I offer to help, I'll throw my bag into the trunk (I would have done so today if I'd not been at risk of putting myself in harm's way trying to get out of my car with freeway traffic whizzing by). Maybe a little more emphasis on protection will buy me a little more time before I simply give up.


My Day (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Oct 10th, 2001 at 09:46:43 PM PST
I told Matt that he was my "special man friend." I told Eric that I had a new idea for a comic book hero: "Karate Liberace" and his simian sidekick "Bi-Curious George" (Thanks to SA and Vlad for that idea).

This is trivial. What is less trivial is tha fact that I've only picked up 2 hitch-hikers ever. Hitch-hiking across the country was one of the most powerful experiences in my life and I haven't been paying it back. Sometimes the vibe is bad and I'm glad I didn't pick them up, but sometimes the vibe is good and I drive by anyway - cursing myself as I speed away.
--Peter
Are you adequate?

 
christ (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by osm on Wed Oct 10th, 2001 at 10:26:12 PM PST
i had such high hopes for this diary entry. i should have known better. you damn dirty hippy. the next time you waste my time with a diary entry, at least MAKE UP (or hallucinate... whatever it is you do) one bloody murder.

had i been in your position, that little urchin and her foster mother would have been a greasy spot on the highway.

take my advice and get some testosterone injections. of course you won't, you're mind is too polluted with estrogen.


You're just jealous. (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by tkatchev on Thu Oct 11th, 2001 at 04:09:33 AM PST
That you're not man enough to keep your temper. A real man is always in control; let the women bitch every time they hit a minor obstacle. (Face it, it's not like $20 is a huge loss, OK?)


--
Peace and much love...




whatever (5.00 / 1) (#5)
by osm on Thu Oct 11th, 2001 at 05:02:14 AM PST
don't you have a spotted owl love-in to go to or something?


 
Thieves are scum (none / 0) (#6)
by Logical Analysis on Fri Oct 12th, 2001 at 10:49:05 AM PST
What the hell??? Are you insane??!

Do not pick up random people off the road!! In fact it is even illegal to do this in many places! Next time they might not "just" steal from you, they might shoot you in the fucking head.

The correct action is to call the state police who will help them in whatever way they need.

Use your fucking brain!

You STILL take them back to their car after the STOLE from you?????

My god, excuse the tone of this post, but I can't understand how anyone could be so naive and willing to be trampled over. It is not our job to carry the human trash of the world around on our backs. You seem like a good person, but are totally clueless regarding reality. Think about it!


RE: Are you insane? (none / 0) (#7)
by chloedancer on Fri Oct 12th, 2001 at 06:08:35 PM PST
Well, actually, I prefer the phrase "charming, eccentric lunatic", but I guess the answer is yes, no matter what the euphemism. The formal diagnosis is bi-polar disorder. Be that as it may, it really has no bearing on whether or not I should try to help people in distress.


mmmm... (none / 0) (#8)
by Frithiof on Fri Oct 12th, 2001 at 08:19:06 PM PST
hrm, having bipolar disorder isn't fun...a few of my friends have that and, well, they're not always in a friendly mood and I can't always figure out how to deal with them (but they have their good sides, hence my use of the word "friends" in mentioning them).

maybe I'll make a diary entry (yea, I read your story on bipolar) relating to my wonderful case of Asperger's...it's certainly made *my* life fun...heh. it's awful how it's forced me to become a social hermit and live in perpetual shame. ah well...guess we'll all have to wait for my next diary item.


-Frith

 

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