Why Supporting Israel Helps Everyone

Implying everything from a Zionist conspiracy to a Big Oil conspiracy, such otherwise intelligent people as Noam Chomsky claimed that America was oppressing Israel's Palestinian neighbors and was responsible for its own problems on 9/11. Obviously that argument is hogwash; there are many legitimate reasons why America supports Israel:

Israel is our greatest ally in the War on Terror. Israel knows how handle terrorists and is not afraid to use force to do so. We can learn a lot from its handling of the situation in the West Bank. Israel has made it painfully obvious to would-be terrorists that every Israeli life taken by a terrorist will result in 3-4 lost Palestinian lives, and countless less-than-lethal measures in the occupied territories. Mass roundups and detentions, torturing suspects, and destruction of random settlements and homes are only the beginning. Israel will not bow to terrorists' demands, nor will they bother with such liberal nonsense as "due process," suspects' rights, or allowing terrorists to hire attorneys to try to beat the rap. Terrorists, by the very virtue of their horrific acts, are not entitled to any of the same protections afforded to citizens suspected of lesser offenses.
Israel is the only democracy in the region. Having Israel present in the middle of so many monarchies and theocracies helps mitigate the extremism that would normally engulf the entire region. Israel shares the values that made our country great: they believe in one vote for one citizen, majority rule, and separation of powers.
Israel is run by Jews. Similar to the vast majority of Western countries, Israel is almost entirely controlled by members of the tribe. This provides both common ground and consistency throughout the world, and ensures that the societal goals that we feel are important are also promoted in the Middle East. We have chosen to allow the Jews to control every major industry and institution in America, so it only makes sense that we should trust them to run things the same way on the other side of the world.
Israel provides a staging ground for attacks on Terror. With its proximity to Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and Pakistan, Israel provides an ideal location in which to store spare nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons for future use on hostile Arab states that hate America's freedoms and values. Although we do have military bases in Saudi Arabia and other nearby countries, these states are unstable as they teem with the same Islamic militants whose destruction we seek.
Israelis hate Islam. Islam is the world's foremost destabilizing factor. Islam has been responsible for countless wars and conflicts throughout history, and today its zealots threaten the very existence of the West. Ariel Sharon has no tolerance whatsoever for these cretins, and will do everything in his power to eradicate this evil cult.
Israel is a loyal friend. Israel has never waged war against the U.S.A. or spied on us. Israel has the utmost respect for our interests, and contributes heavily to our economy; in fact, Israel spends billions of dollars every year on weapons that are used to annihilate our enemies, the Palestinians, in the region. How many of our other allies do that for us? Every other nation in the U.N. takes our money and our troops to fight their harebrained "peacekeeping missions," and Israel is the only country that gives anything at all back to us. At the minimum, we owe them our allegiance and support.

Though anti-Semites like Noam Chomsky may oppose our support of Israel, they should keep in mind the fact that the only way we are going to win the War on Terror is to align ourselves with nations with similar interests. And while the Europeans may talk the talk, we know from past experience that they will quickly forget the War on Terror in favor of their silly crusades against GMOs or capital punishment. And in the end, only Israel is prepared and willing to join us in our mission to make the world a safer place.

	I'd say I'm ambivalent at best... (5.00 / 1) (#5)
	by Mint Waltman on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 09:13:12 AM PST

	concerning our support for Israel. Ultimately it doesn't matter much exactly who occupies the Holy Land, so long as someone is there to keep it warm until we Christians are able to muster a military capable of reclaiming Jerusalem.

	We have the military, we need the will (none / 0) (#9)
	by typical geek on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 09:54:17 AM PST

	Just a few enhanced radiation weapons would be enough to clear out Jerusalem, and perhaps clear out all those darn border areas. Then we can send in the Disney shock troops to Americanize the Holy Land. gcc is to software freedom as guns are to personal freedom.

	Disney, no... (5.00 / 1) (#12)
	by Mint Waltman on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 10:12:05 AM PST

	Our goals are to Christianize Jerusalem, not Americanize. Modern day America is held so tightly in the grip of Satanists, perverts and multiculturalists that I would be recreant were I to allow what today passes for 'American values' to infect the Holy Land. Radiation weapons render the target uninhabital, no? If you are an athiest implying that the world would be better off if no one occupied the Holy Land, I suggest you take your God-hating views elsewhere.

	Why not Disney? (none / 0) (#49)
	by The Mad Scientist on Wed Mar 13th, 2002 at 05:48:10 AM PST

	Radiation weapons render the target uninhabital, no? Contamination bombs yes; they are designed to produce as much of "dirt" as possible. Enhanced radiation bombs - so called neutron bombs - not much; they are designed to produce a small blast and a very strong flash of fast neutrons. These are known to be very destructive against living tissues, while not affecting buildings and infrastructure much - they typically cause some secondary radiation, but it's mostly short-living isotopes. Neutron bombs were designed to remove live forces from the area while keeping it usable for the aggressor. A missile flies in from behind the skyline. When it is above the center of the city, it turns to a small sun. The blast wave breaks some roofs and some windows, otherwise doesn't cause much of damage. In few minutes, everyone in the area starts displaying symptoms of intense radiation poisoning and dies in pain in a horizon of minutes to days. Meanwhile, the plants within the reach start yellowing and drying. Conventional radiation shelters will not be of much help; lead and concrete are good shields against gamma radiation, but for protection against neutrons you need a lot of ie. water. Everything alive dies. All inorganic structures stay in place... Don't you just love the military technology? If you are an athiest implying that the world would be better off if no one occupied the Holy Land, I suggest you take your God-hating views elsewhere. Well... I am an agnostic who thinks that if the children are fighting for a toy, taking away the toy is a good approach. So why not? A radiation contamination bomb could be a good way to calm down the area for couple thousands years.

	Smart bombs (none / 0) (#52)
	by because it isnt on Wed Mar 13th, 2002 at 07:01:19 AM PST

	Everything alive dies. All inorganic structures stay in place... Don't you just love the military technology? They've got better stuff than that. Israel has bombs that only kill Arabs, you know. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	You Christians (none / 0) (#13)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 10:15:14 AM PST

	You people continue to kill each other for some unimportant city. Since God does not exist or does not care, there is a very easy way to solve the issue of the holy land...drop a nuclear weapon on Jerusalem. If you kiddies cannot share the toy we parents will just have to take it away from you. --Gandalf the White

	Hmm. (none / 0) (#15)
	by hauntedattics on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 10:38:13 AM PST

	You're awfully self-righteous and sure of yourself, dear, for someone whose 'parent' was a fervent Catholic.

	Re: (none / 0) (#25)
	by tkatchev on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 12:04:59 PM PST

	Tolkien was a fanatical, die-hard Catholic. It seems you are too dumb to even understand what you are reading. Props to the American diseducation system. -- Peace and much love...

	I agree with nukes but (none / 0) (#39)
	by Anonymous Reader on Wed Mar 13th, 2002 at 12:20:48 AM PST

	we may as well squash all religions with one strike. Simultaneously nuke Rome, Mecca, Jerusalem, Salt Lake City, Lhasa, wherever it is Hindus hang out and all other so-called holy cities. The inhabitants and landowners should be compensated and relocated first of course. This should solve the problem once and for all because if there is a God then divine intervention will surely prevent it.

	Scientology Hive (none / 0) (#56)
	by Anonymous Reader on Wed Mar 13th, 2002 at 12:35:08 PM PST

	Don't forget about Clearwater, Florida. That's where all the Scientologists are.

	Criteria for using of nukes - a proposal (none / 0) (#72)
	by The Mad Scientist on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 11:19:48 AM PST

	Simultaneously nuke Rome, Mecca, Jerusalem, Salt Lake City, Lhasa, wherever it is Hindus hang out and all other so-called holy cities. I'd suggest some criteria for "deconflicting" of holy lands. First, it has to be a holy place for at least two significantly different major religions. Second, there has to be prolonged (100 years or more) atmosphere of violence between the religions in question. Third, there have to be often outbursts of violence in the area, caused by members of Religion1 dwelling on the area where members of Religion2 don't want them, and vice versa. Proposed method is to use a radiation contamination bomb, ie. dispersing radioactive cobalt over the place. Denying both rivaling sides to use the area, so taking away major cause of their quarrels. The side effect, which I am sure we would cope with easily, is that TV news would become a bit more boring.

	UK/Ireland (none / 0) (#75)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 01:08:25 PM PST

	So does the Protestant/Catholic tiff qualify? If so, what do you nuke? London? Ireland? All of the above and most of Europe to boot? What about the US? We've had several churches, mosques and temples bombed. We've have witch burning going back hundreds of years. What about Christians beating gays to death? People have lynched blacks from way back to as recently as the last couple of years with a dragging death recently in good ol' Texas. Racism has been indoctrinated into their religious creeds. Fuck it. Nuke all humans off the face of the earth!

	Doesn't qualify. (none / 0) (#77)
	by The Mad Scientist on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 05:23:29 PM PST

	So does the Protestant/Catholic tiff qualify? If so, what do you nuke? London? Ireland? All of the above and most of Europe to boot? No. The religious differences of these two are next to zero and serve only as an excuse to dislike each other. Area denial would cause here only shifting of the conflict to another place. Fuck it. Nuke all humans off the face of the earth! Would surely make the planet a bit more peaceful place...

	ooh! ooh! (none / 0) (#76)
	by nathan on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 01:56:50 PM PST

	Will you seek ISO certification for your new standards? Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Boooooo! (none / 0) (#73)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 12:38:36 PM PST

	I'd suggest some criteria for "deconflicting" of holy lands. That takes all the FUN out of the exercise!

	Hmmmm....? (none / 0) (#78)
	by The Mad Scientist on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 05:26:49 PM PST

	Will you seek ISO certification for your new standards? Not myself. The paperwork is too much of hassle and no fun. Let's leave it to the "paper tigers" from other departments. But it's interesting idea.

	Martydom (none / 0) (#71)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 15th, 2002 at 10:25:14 AM PST

	Well, that sounds like a good plan, but you know how the faithful react when someone is persecuted for their nonsensical beliefs. All of them, even those way out on the fringe that never really cared much before, go apeshit. Do you really want to create a doubly holy holy land. AKA "Disney's The Land that was Holy but is Now a Hole?" Or, "The Land That is as Close as You Can Get to the Holy Land Without Dying or Becoming Sterile?" They'd have miles of velvet ropes and neon signs encircling the place like it was a giant Graceland. Then they'd all get pissy and lynch anyone with a college degree.

	I can't resist. (none / 0) (#83)
	by hauntedattics on Sat Mar 16th, 2002 at 07:58:53 AM PST

	Martydom? Is that where everyone gives his life for some guy named Marty?

	Oops... (none / 0) (#88)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Mar 18th, 2002 at 07:19:42 AM PST

	Yeah I saw that right after I clicked submit. D'oh!

	hmm. (none / 0) (#89)
	by nathan on Mon Mar 18th, 2002 at 08:08:47 AM PST

	I think you may have missed her joke. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	BLAGHLUABLALUGBLALGAHULBAGHULG... (none / 0) (#91)
	by hauntedattics on Mon Mar 18th, 2002 at 10:25:41 AM PST

	(Pardon me.)

	No.... (none / 0) (#93)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 10:10:54 AM PST

	I get the joke, but the joke was based on my typo of having spelled martyrdom without the second r. In both that post and this post I'm exposing my wet blanket personality, which is why no one likes me and I'm forced to post mindless unintersting drivel such as this on various weblogs.

	god you're stupid (flame) (none / 0) (#94)
	by nathan on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 12:11:11 PM PST

	That's the form of the joke, not the joke proper. Man. Are the gks actually getting dumber by the day? Nathan -- Li'l Sis:** Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Taking the bait... (none / 0) (#95)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 02:50:00 PM PST

	Right. The joke was made that Martydom would be giving your life in the name of Marty where as martyrdom is giving your life in the name of your diety of choice. It was humorous. I responded with a rather pointless acknoledgment that I was aware of my typo that caused the joke that was funny. Hilarity ensued with this thread between me, the stupid geek, and you. Unless Marty is some figure of significance that I should otherwise be aware of that lends additional humor to the joke, I don't see what your point is. Maybe your point is that I am easily baited into pointless debate and that you are an asshole that enjoys baiting people. If so, bravo, I continue to respond on cue as though I were a trained monkey. If you still feel that I missed the joke, please explain it to my stupid, geeky ass.

	I am the soul of charity (none / 0) (#96)
	by nathan on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 03:02:35 PM PST

	The real point to making the joke, in my opinion, is that your triviliazation of holiness, and your conflation of religiousness with stupidity, would have made Martydom an appropriate action for the religious to engage in - pointless, misguided, stupid. You unintentionally satirized yourself, and your inability to understand why it was funny made it even better. I could go on, but what's the point? You're no more capable of understanding what I found funny about your post, and Haunted's response, than you were before; and now, you think I'm a jerk to boot. Let's just shut this down. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Thank you (none / 0) (#97)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Mar 19th, 2002 at 04:09:18 PM PST

	The point you make never occured to me because my original comments made under the subject "Martydom" were not to be taken seriously and were intended to satirize it's parent, "You Christians." I do not state that people that are religious are stupid. The intended connotation was that people, when acting as a large group, are stupid. Religious folk or at least all people who claim to be religious and would take offense to such an attack on the "Holy Land," would certainly behave in an utterly retarded fashion. Also, I do not trivilize that which is holy. I meant to imply that aforemention stupid large groups of people generally trivilize that which they intend to make sacred, at least in America, by marketing and commercializing it. See the recent trend of attaching as many mini-American flags as you possibly can to your vehicle. I've seen as many as five flags on one vehicle. Full disclaimer: I am agnostic. I do not understand how otherwise intelligent people can believe heart and soul in what an organized body such as the Catholic Church tell them. I do understand why otherwise intelligent people would believe in a "Creator" and have their own particular theories surrounding this "Creator". I can even understand various interpretations of the Bible or whatever other religious texts they might subscribe to. I simply disagree with them. At various points in the past in wrestling to get free of the Catholic Church I felt like nuking the Holy Land. I then went to high school.

	the fiery falmes of hell (none / 0) (#98)
	by Anonymous Reader on Wed Mar 20th, 2002 at 09:36:57 AM PST

	triviliazation Oh the humanity!

	insensitive jerk! (5.00 / 1) (#99)
	by nathan on Wed Mar 20th, 2002 at 11:04:55 AM PST

	How well would you type if you'd just had to have a hand amputated? I can tell you, learning Dvorak with my feet wasn't exactly easy. Yet, somehow I manage to churn out five to ten posts a day to amuse your callous, wretched ass. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Wow! (none / 0) (#101)
	by because it isnt on Thu Mar 21st, 2002 at 06:57:36 AM PST

	Sorry to hear about your recent disablement. Can still play the violin? With your feet? I am very impressed. adequacy.org -- because it isn't

	I now play Indian style n/t (none / 0) (#102)
	by nathan on Thu Mar 21st, 2002 at 01:26:46 PM PST

	-- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Argh. (none / 0) (#33)
	by RobotSlave on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 07:16:30 PM PST

	OK, this isn't really important, but it's happened often enough here to irritate me. Would somebody please use the word "ambivalent" correctly? It keeps getting used as a synonym for "apathetic." It isn't. It means something quite different. That is all. Carry on. © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

	Hmmm (none / 0) (#87)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Mar 17th, 2002 at 03:59:23 AM PST

	I could be wrong but I thought that Jesus won't come back till the Jews are once again in the promise land and then have taken him as their savior. Being a <cough>Christian<cough> you shouldn't talk such rubbish

	(anger)... (none / 0) (#100)
	by Anonymous Reader on Wed Mar 20th, 2002 at 09:15:23 PM PST

	You racist prick...

	u dumbass (2.33 / 3) (#6)
	by PotatoError on Tue Mar 12th, 2002 at 09:26:37 AM PST

	You've just also explained the actions of the terrorists. That they wont stand for Israel and US opression and unfairness. Come on, terrorists dont just fly themselves into a building for the hell of it. There is reason. People dont dance on the street in countless countries when they hear the news for the hell of it. There is reason. Those who fail to open their minds to see the truth are as bad as Bush, Blair and the rest of the New World Order. "As time passed, though, the memories of the 3,000 Americans killed in the attack faded, and liberals again commenced their ever-present criticism of the American government and its foreign policies" Actually I never stopped. After the first plane flew into the WTC I was already suspecting it was Islamic terrorists. Why would I suspect this? Because the US has been pissing them off for decades and eventually something like this will happen. The event didnt bother me too much - just the ideals behind it. More people are killed each year from car accidents - more people are killed from alchohol related deaths and more people are killed from drug related deaths. Also handguns kill more people in the US per year than were killed at the WTC but countless americans are all too happy to keep firearms. See the stupidity here? So saying 3000 people died doesnt make it the worst disaster in history. It sounds bad saying that but it needs to be said. The only thing the attack did was wake people up to the fact that all actions have consequences however unfair you think they are. It showed the US that it IS pissing people off and pissed off people do stuff like that. Maybe the US should have learnt from the Israeli situation years ago...an ocean in the way isnt exactly a protection. <<JUMP! POGO POGO POGO BOUNCE! POGO POGO POGO>>