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Poll

Votes: 11

Mmmkay...

Author:

ana

Topic:

Diaries

Posted:

Nov 18, 2001

Comments:

Partially fictional.

More diaries by ana

	It's all broken
	Controversy...
	Musings
	Haloween party
	fill-in-the-blank smut
	Oh, my...

Damn. I told myself next time I would do it on purpose, thinking through what I wanted, who I wanted, why I wanted him. But noooo

I fell off my fucking bike. Which, when I fell off it, ceased to fuck, and became my damned bike. Wrenched my knee and one shoulder. They put this long cast on my knee. Went out on a Friday night to the bar, when I was able again. Hobbling around with crutches. Renting one too many beers. Not being able to reach my feet made pants impossible, so I wore the wraparound denim skirt; a bit short these days, but hey. One too many beers, right. Can't sit down. Houston, we have a problem.

The gents' has facilities for this. I bribed my ex with a beer to guard the door. I hobbled in, lifted my skirt, did my business in their separate-but-oh-so-unequal facility, without even making a mess. But even my feminazi ex-lover couldn't keep one loud drunken dude out. So she followed him in.

Here I am, ass against the wall, being stroked by my lover, while the drunk watches. When I'm at about 95%, she smirks into my face, tugs my skirt back down, and leaves me there, wetting myself, needing her, O God, needing even him.

Next time, dammit, Some time, on my own terms, OK?

	Hi, Ana! (5.00 / 1) (#1)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 03:16:46 PM PST

	Seeing as I haven't had the drive or motivation to post anything at Hatori42, I haven't seen much of you. It's like a breath of fresh air, especially around this place. A troll's true colors.

	Hey, fissh (5.00 / 1) (#3)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:31:14 PM PST

	So post something. I'll know you're still alive. This is not exactly hatori42-quality stuff, so it's here instead. So far I'd say the reviews are mixed. If I pissed someone off, it must be good enough to convey some kind of emotion or other. ;-) Why not?

	Well, I would, but... (5.00 / 1) (#6)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:50:02 PM PST

	I'm presently awaiting inspiration. Something about fatherhood that seems to stifle the creative urge within me. I dunno. Things are settling down in my new life Down Under, so maybe I'll have something to post soon. A troll's true colors.

	Creativity (5.00 / 1) (#8)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:56:42 PM PST

	Something about fatherhood That wouldn't be sleep deprivation, would it? Congrats, btw. Why not?

	What is this thing you call "sleep"? (5.00 / 1) (#27)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:53:02 PM PST

	Actually, no not really. The baby settled down into a nice sleeping pattern fairly early on. It's when she's awake that I have difficulty. Newborn babies distinctly do not know what they want, nor are they all that confident with what to do once they get it sorted out and supplied. This may seem patently obvious to thinking, ration people, and so it is. However, knowing this and dealing with it are very separate creatures. The reality behind the truth is so much less pleasant than you'd think. At least, it is for me. But the good news is that I should be able to go back to work in a couple of months once she's old enough to be placed in professional care. I never thought the prospect of becoming a wage slave again would seem so inviting. A troll's true colors.

	Seems inspiration enough... (5.00 / 1) (#31)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:04:29 PM PST

	Write what you know. There must be times sitting rocking a sleeping baby. Why not?

	Rockin' the joint (none / 0) (#37)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:26:06 PM PST

	There are, in fact, countless times when I'm sitting there rocking the baby. Unfortunately, I never find the event terribly inspirational. If anything, my mind tends to wander toward fantasies of riding the commuter train downtown, and from there walking to an air-conditioned office building where I proceed to amaze and inspire my co-workers by fixing their petty computer problems. At that point, I expect I'll find some inspiration again. Until then, the well is dry. A troll's true colors.

	it never ceases to amaze me (3.00 / 1) (#2)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 04:43:18 PM PST

	what form of human trash continues to flow through the internet and find its way here. and, like a turd in a malfunctioning toilet, spaghetti seems to always bubble back up with it.

	yeah but... (4.00 / 1) (#4)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:46:02 PM PST

	at least there's more girls on this site than /. or K5

	prove it (3.00 / 1) (#15)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:20:08 PM PST

	Um... (none / 0) (#17)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:24:22 PM PST

	The Turing test? Or one of those adolescent I'll show you mine if you show me yours pissing contests? Why not?

	show nathan (3.00 / 1) (#20)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:34:24 PM PST

	i'm sure he would be interested. if i wanted to be repulsed, i would go clean the cat box.

	to cite The Onion, (none / 0) (#22)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:36:09 PM PST

	"Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat!" And I'll take what I can get right now, thanks ever so much... Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Q.E.D. (5.00 / 1) (#23)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:40:03 PM PST

	hauntedattics, jin wicked, and ana makes 3. This is more than the total number of females on K5 (1.2). The total number of girls on /. is actually a negaitve number, for some reason.

	there's over a dozen girls on k5 (none / 0) (#24)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:45:48 PM PST

	jin's a round-bellied troll and thus cannot be counted in the tally, but there are many other fine, intelligent, interesting women at that other site. however, that site does lack chloedancer, so perhaps this one does come out ahead on one score.

	yer fergitting (none / 0) (#25)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:47:22 PM PST

	poltroon, perdida, and Chloe, not to mention yami (if she still reads this site.) Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	wrong, wrong, wrong (5.00 / 1) (#26)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:49:12 PM PST

	by admission, hauntedattics is a pimply-faced fifteen year old boy. i've never seen any proof that "jin wicked" is a female. by admission, ana pisses standing up. in fact, the only thing remotely resembling a female on this site is our dear, beloved mascot who is far too perfect to be a human being and, thus, is not a "chick".

	it is time to admit it (5.00 / 1) (#28)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:54:16 PM PST

	the feminine truth about myself! Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	you're a woman Nathan? (none / 0) (#52)
	by error27 on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 11:04:33 PM PST

	I guess I'm not surprised. Especially since you're also Canadian. That's what really tipped me off. Of course, you could just be pretending to be Canadian...

	You misread... (none / 0) (#29)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:57:11 PM PST

	I was denying the comely young lass allegation on the grounds of not having been comely that evening. The ex, who's a very butch feminazi, would be mondo surprised by doubts about my lass-itude. I see your entendre, and I double it. Why not?

	well, (5.00 / 1) (#30)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:01:12 PM PST

	it was the comely part I was funning with in my own little sequence. Not that I have any doubts, mind. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	i didn't misread anything (none / 0) (#32)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:05:39 PM PST

	i just don't especially care, which makes you a male in my eyes. now, don't you have a men's room to go clean up or something?

	OK so this is where the personal gets political. (5.00 / 1) (#33)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:10:15 PM PST

	i just don't especially care, which makes you a male in my eyes. Makes the blood boil. Male is the default; female is somehow Other or Wrong or Special. Which is really not a windmill I tilt very often, but I learned a thing or 2 from the feminazi. Why not?

	oh, for the love of jesus (5.00 / 1) (#34)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:22:40 PM PST

	no. female is not somehow "other" or "wrong" or "special". "female" is a strange and very, very terrible disease caused by a missing y chromosome. the symptoms are extremely nasty: monthly bleeding, incoherent emotions, a tendency to spread one's legs and let in every creeping disease on the earth, an obsession with material wealth provided by others and an irresistable impulse to lay on the couch and eat bon-bons while watching oprah winfrey and churning out one screaming brat after another. trollop.

	It's just osm. (none / 0) (#43)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:32:35 PM PST

	Don't take it personally. He just likes to pretend he has a reason to be bitter about his lack of a (sex) life, and that he used to have one. Otherwise, his misogyny is just a front. I've seen him pursue other women on here, although in different ways. Personally, I think he's just this way to get attention. That, and removing posts that personally offend him. It's one of those Godlike Editor powers they gave him to stop him from whining. A troll's true colors.

	you're my hero, spaghetti (none / 0) (#45)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:52:15 PM PST

	your penetrating insights give me the urge to leap through the air and expel gas.

	leaping through the air (none / 0) (#46)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 08:17:00 PM PST

	Perhaps I'm wrong, but I understood that your expulsions of gas made you appear to leap through the air on a reglar basis. I thought it was one of those circus acts you don't like to talk about. "Come see the amazing Flying Boy! Those with weak constitutions enter at own risk!" At least Victor Borge wasn't the only one to need seatbelts on his chair. A troll's true colors.

	Proof? (none / 0) (#36)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:23:31 PM PST

	This is a web site. How do you expect to see proof of a user's gender? Do you want them to come over to your home and... Oh... This is all an elaborate scheme to get yourself a date, isn't it?

	date? (5.00 / 1) (#38)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:26:28 PM PST

	i want no date. hunted. despised. living like an animal. a Natalie Portman poster is my date! but i shall show the world. i will create my own race! a race of Atomic Super Posters that will conquer the world! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

	I put on women's clothing (none / 0) (#40)
	by egg troll on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:29:01 PM PST

	Does that count? I pick up men late night on Polk Street too! Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

	i'm frightened and alone. (5.00 / 1) (#42)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:32:03 PM PST

	no need to be alone (none / 0) (#49)
	by egg troll on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 08:37:03 PM PST

	egg troll is very sexy dressed in lingere. almost passable too! and remember, "it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

	Hey (5.00 / 1) (#57)
	by hauntedattics on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 12:10:16 PM PST

	I told you I have very clear skin!!! Damn men, they never listen...

	No! (5.00 / 1) (#41)
	by egg troll on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:31:14 PM PST

	Its well known that women aren't smart enough to use the Internet. Furthermore, most of them prefer to be in the kitchen making me my pot pie. So even if the mental ability was present, I think most women would be much more content to cook and clean house. Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

	Osama, buddy! (none / 0) (#44)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:37:46 PM PST

	How's it going? I didn't know you had an account here! I hear they've got you cornered in a 30 square mile area of Afghanistan. Good luck hiding out from the Northern Alliance there, guy.

	What? (none / 0) (#58)
	by poltroon on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:23:02 PM PST

	Adequacy is positively teeming with girls. They outnumber the boys at least 10:1. Where are all the boys? Huh? Probably fooling around in a muddy field somewhere, and really, it's better for all of us that way. Their pudgy, clumsy fingers just wreak havoc with intricate machines like computers and internet.

	minor quibble (none / 0) (#59)
	by nathan on Tue Nov 20th, 2001 at 05:54:03 AM PST

	I believe you mean slashtroll, where the gks are no good with 'wetware.' Nathan -- Li'l Sis:** Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	ah, you need... (5.00 / 1) (#5)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:47:54 PM PST

	this website, and it'll solve your problems! Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Been there... (none / 0) (#7)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 05:55:08 PM PST

	...but thanks. Still kinda iffy. The guys find it intimidating or something. Why not?

	intimidating? (4.00 / 1) (#9)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:02:47 PM PST

	it sounds as though that wasn't an issue for you in that story... Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Then... (none / 0) (#10)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:04:56 PM PST

	Maybe he was just too drunk or something. /me shrugs. Why not?

	indeed, (5.00 / 1) (#11)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:08:12 PM PST

	in the words of Avon's shining swan, "it provoketh the desire/but taketh away the performance." Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	And... (none / 0) (#12)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:12:03 PM PST

	/me not mobile enough to follow the ex into the other facility and get her to finish what she'd started (and he couldn't/wouldn't). Not exactly a successful evening. Why not?

	success (5.00 / 1) (#13)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:14:35 PM PST

	is relative. Unlike certain site posters, for instance, you managed to succeed in a) having an ex, b) making it to the bar in the first place, and c) being a comely young lass. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	*not* (none / 0) (#14)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:17:14 PM PST

	c) being a comely young lass. which is of course the source of the frustration. :-þ Why not?

	frustration (4.00 / 1) (#16)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:22:09 PM PST

	I'm not frustrated... Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	frustrated... (none / 0) (#18)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:30:32 PM PST

	well, I sure wuz. :-( Why not?

	perhaps (none / 0) (#19)
	by nathan on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:32:08 PM PST

	you'll appreciate my position a bit better if you'd be so good as to take a look at my most recent diary. Nathan -- Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

	Indeed. (none / 0) (#21)
	by ana on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 06:35:55 PM PST

	Sympathies. This seems to be the usual state for most of the human race. Even the ones with nominal partners... (Hence the ex-ness) Why not?

	Well... (5.00 / 1) (#35)
	by Mint Waltman on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:22:46 PM PST

	drinking alcohol, sexual encounters in bar men's rooms, bodily fluids, yearning for a lover's touch... What's next, will adequacy soon host an exhibit of Robert Mapplethorpe's photographs?

	That would be good, actually. (5.00 / 1) (#39)
	by perdida on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 07:28:06 PM PST

	(nt) This is what democracy looks like

	Okay, ana... (4.50 / 2) (#47)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 08:24:02 PM PST

	You've held us in suspense long enough: what's the fictional part? Were you really in a Burger King instead of a bar? Was your skirt not denim? C'mon: enquitring minds want to know! 'Fess up before SpaceGhoti and osm kill each other...

	excuse me. (none / 0) (#48)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 08:29:06 PM PST

	i would not kill spaghetti. that would make his daughter just another fucked up chick. oh wait...

	Plus, (none / 0) (#50)
	by SpaceGhoti on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 10:28:45 PM PST

	He knows that it would ruin any chance of getting the next-best-thing-to-Natalie-Portman to drive to KC to ostensibly watch movies together. Not that he has any chance to begin with, but why take the risk? A troll's true colors.

	dear sirs (5.00 / 1) (#51)
	by osm on Sun Nov 18th, 2001 at 10:57:54 PM PST

	your pathetic attempt to trick me into believing that Anna Paquin (the next best thing to Natalie Portman) is a reader of this site by linking to some other character's user info shows just how unimaginative you are. that sort of trick, spaghetti, works quite well over at geekizoid, which is filled with people like yourself. they would even enjoy it if you made untoward comments about Natalie Portman, since they also do not comprehend true and pure beauty when they see it. and i'm sure they would love to masturbate to some of your bondage stories. hell, you may even get the proprietor of the site, Scott "Vladinator" Olsen to join in on one of your little swinging love-fests with some toothless australian whore with chronic dysentary.

	What is truth? (none / 0) (#53)
	by ana on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 06:57:03 AM PST

	@#$%@#@$ if I know. Why not?

	Actually, (none / 0) (#56)
	by ana on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 11:01:03 AM PST

	the bit about the epithets for the bike was largely fictional. When I'm injured, my vocabulary is not large or versatile. Though perhaps whatever it thought it was up to before the accident could have contributed to what followed? I'll claim temporary amnesia. I've always envied General Patton, of whom it is said that he could cuss for half an hour without repeating himself. Why not?

	Well, now... (none / 0) (#54)
	by ana on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:27:09 AM PST

	Was fun. We'll have to do it again sometime. Why not?

	Try it drunk (none / 0) (#55)
	by Hammurabi on Mon Nov 19th, 2001 at 10:40:14 AM PST

	It makes a lot more sense that way. Only the most dangerous and hardened of criminals attempts to blame the law when he is the one who broke it.

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