I went to Shippensburg University my sophomore year (`99-'00). It was my first time living away from home. I got involved with a girl, who I am currently living with. What happened in between is what this diary is about.

Basically, I had it pretty good up there. The saying "with freedom comes responsibilities" is usually true. Especially if you really think about what it means--to me: self-sufficience, autonomy, etc. College (at least state college) somehow escapes these laws. So I was free to do whatever I wanted, with virtually no responsibility.

I know what you're thinking: sex, drugs, rock `n roll? Not quite. I thought that I was better than that. What a fucking snob. I went to two parties the whole year, didn't drink in between, and was in the aforementioned monogamous relationship that took 3 months to consummate. Instead I got involved with the radio station as a DJ(this link is not me) and the school newspaper as a photography editor. These activities introduced me to some great people.

One who sticks out in my mind is a girl named Prudence, who was the head editor of the paper. She was always cool/cold, confident and capable. I have a habit of taking things personally, so the cold exterior put me off sometimes. She could also be intimidating. But we all know that there's usually something that gets to people like this--for Prudence it was her boyfriend's idiocy (well, he broke up with her) that did it.

I have never seen such a stark contrast in demeanor. Of course, after a short time of tenderness, Prudence started mixing her cold with jaded. This is understandable. But in between, I think I got to know her a little bit. It's nice to get to know people. Believe it or not, I can relate this to the musical group Tool, even though I don't really like them.

I think that part of their success is that their songs consist of 90% stupid math-rock stuff that makes no sense. Then, when you are ready to give up on the song, they come through with one melodic part that rocks. So Prudence was kind of like this--the little bit that you got to see inside was worth dealing with her (self-admitted) front.

After my one year at Shippensburg, I left to move in with Kristen. We've been co-habitating successfully for a while now. By successful I mean apathetic, frigid and debt-free. I had a dream about Prudence last night (non-sexual), and came into work today itching to get her e-mail address from my Hotmail account. Of course it was expired. No closure for Derek3000. There may be hope yet, though, because I e-mailed her cool younger sister. If I remember correctly, she was a fun-loving gal who knew how to get down.

I know--I'm obsessed with this girl, right? I wish it were that simple. She's just an example. There was a girl at school named Heather who was much better suited for me than either Prudence or Kristen. I think about her sometimes too.

It's probably the weather, but this whole thing has me depressed a little bit/a lot. I'm really trying not to whine, but I've been keeping this feeling in for the last two years: I should have never left. Granted, my life is far from terrible. I live comfortably, I'm advancing in my musical studies exponentially, I've been reading more, thinking more critically (thanks to Adequacy) and I've reconnected with my old friends. But that's been in the back of my mind for a while. 'The back of my mind' doesn't quite imply the heartache, though. Sorry that there isn't a more witty end to this entry. So, yeah. How are things at home?