Adequacy front page
Stories Diaries Polls Users
Google

Web Adequacy.org
Home About Topics Rejects Abortions
This is an unofficial archive site only. It is no longer maintained. You can not post comments. You can not make an account. Your email will not be read. Please read this page or the footnote if you have questions.
Poll
Children: Good or Bad?
Good 13%
Bad 26%
Depends on how they're cooked 33%
They have certain uses 26%

Votes: 15

 My Neighbor Is Allowed To Own A Pot-Head Neo-Nazi Juvenile-Delinquent Street Punk With Purple Hair,

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Aug 29, 2001
 Comments:
Subtitle: Everything Stinks

Is the world SO screwed up that we've finally decided to abandon ALL vestiges of logic and common sense in the never-ending quest to make everything suck as much as absolutely possible?

The answer: YES!
diaries

More diaries by Craig McPherson
Are not even our schools safe from intellectual property theft?
George Lucas is a Pathetic Dirty Thief!!!
The word.
How I (very nearly) slept with Timothy from Slashdot!
When I first rented the apartment I live in now, the lease had what I consider to be a very reasonable clause: "No pets, and no children." No persons under the age of 18 were allowed to occupy, live in, or loiter around the apartment complex. No children allowed, period. Residents who acquired children during their term of residence (usually through the process of "birth") were given a grace period before getting kicked to the curb.

I liked this rule. I was sad to discover that "pets" included goldfish, but I was glad that I wouldn't have to wade through hoards of Ritalin-addicted drooling 6-year-olds and their Pokeman cards to get to and from my apartment. I was glad I wouldn't have to dodge projectile-vomit from babies who were completely unskilled at any tasks other than emitting bodily waste and crying all day and all night long. I was glad my life wouldn't be in danger from teenagers so hopped up on "goofballs" and other sorts of illegal narcotics that their lives were mere blurs of lights, colors, and violence. I was glad skinhead neo-Nazi "gangstas" wearing skullcaps and blasting "White Power" music at 150dBa and other so-called "children" were banned from living in the apartment complex.

Yes, the "you may not own children under any circumstances" rule was GOOD. I realize it also prevented people from owning the 1% of children who AREN'T either asthmatic snot-nosed cartoon-obsessed brats or purple-haired "cop killa" thugs with gold chains hanging out the pockets of their baggy "gangsta pants", but even that 1% is still pretty annoying. I guess I'm not terribly fond of children. The more children I'm around (especially teenagers), the more I think it should be illegal for anyone to reproduce, for any reason, period.

Now, the lease also forbade me from having a goldfish. I really would have liked to have a small acquarium, but I thought it was a fair trade-off: I promise not to have any fish if my neighbors promise not to have any children. Of course, children are far more dangerous and destructive than fish, but sometimes compromises aren't entirely equal. The rules are the rules.

"No Pets, No Children" was fine with me.

Then, the apartment complex got bought out by a giant real-estate mega-conglomerate. As is generally the case, the giant mega-corp oozed around like a fettid amoeba, sucking up any smaller companies it encountered. The human-owned apartment complex got bought out by the mega-corp.

Durn. I predict another five years until the major real estate companies own every square inch of property on the globe, at which point they'll immediately merge with each other and then be subsequently bought out by AOL-Time Warner-Microsoft-Disney-AT&T-General Motors-Wal-Mart-Pepsi-Coca-Cola-Internet.Com-Budweiser-Exxon-Triangle Computers resulting in the ultimate Capitalist dream of one company that controls every service, industry, and person in the world.

But that's in the future. I'm more concerned with NOW.

In addition to the inevitable 50% rent increase the new owner imposed, there came a new lease to sign.

And with this new lease came -- children.

Now, just like I feared, I DO have to kick aside bratty kids and their Pokeman cards to get up the stairs to my apartment, I DO have to dodge projectile vomit from ugly babies being breastfed by their ugly welfare mothers to get back down the stairs, and I often can't leave the complex because there are scary-looking teenagers standing in the parking lot near my vehicle playing "jump rope," "basket ball," "hackey sack," and whatever other forms of entertainment are popular with crack-smoking high-school dropouts these days.

Yes, that's right: the new lease allows residents of the apartment complex to own children. As far as I know, there's no limit to the number of children a resident can own: Welfare Queens are allowed to spawn and subsequently neglect and abuse seventeen children to get more money from the government. I know that Welfare Queens were doing that BEFORE my apartment got bought out and the new lease went into service, but at least they were doing it somewhere else where I didn't have to listen through the walls to "Cletus" and "Jethro" and "Billy-Bob" and "Billy-Joe" and "Billy-Sue" debating about whether Pikachu could beat up Vulvasaur or whatever the names of those homosexual little monsters are.

The teenagers are definitely the worst. Their owners let them hang out in the parking lot with no adult supervision. I often have to park far away and walk up the back stairs because I'm afraid of getting mugged, gang-raped, vandalized, or otherwise subjected to the whims of America's newest and dumbest generation, which grew up on a steady diet of Ritalin, MTV, and the Fox News Network.

The police tell me that since the teenagers' parents are legal residents of the apartment complex, they can't arrest them just for being "scary-looking," but that I should call them back if I ever see the teenagers with drugs or weapons. I tell the police of COURSE I don't see the teenagers with drugs or weapons: they've already injected the drugs into every open orifice of their bodies, and they keep the weapons concealed in their baggy "gangsta pants" ready to murder the first person who looks at them funny or who they perceive as being a representative of "da establishment."

Now, if some of these teenagers were female, then the situation would be tolerable. I could at least look at them out the window and think happy thoughts about their supple buttocks. But no -- nothing but male street punks with bizarre hair colours and multiple body piercings flashing gang signs at each other. Where are all the teenage girls?

What's almost as bad as the teenagers are the little kids who take the bus to school each morning. They congregate at the bus stop and start yelling at each other about who their favorite Pokeman is and what drugs the school councilor has put them on. This happens at about 8AM, right when I'm trying to go to sleep! I'll lie down in bed and prepare for a blistful day of slumber, only to be shaken out of bed by shouts of "VULVASAUR IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN PICKACHU!"

It's very hard to resist the temptation to run outside, punt them 70 yards, and shout "MY FOOT IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOUR BUTT!"

Sigh.

Now, this wouldn't be so bad if I could at least relieve my stress by looking at ONE bloody freaking goldfish! But therein lies the problem...

My Neighbor Is Allowed To Own A Pot-Head Neo-Nazi Juvenile-Delinquent Street Punk With Purple Hair, But I'm Not Allowed To Own A Goldfish

That's right. "No pets, no children" has become "We'll cops on you for harboring a goldfish, but feel free to spawn as many uncontrollable, sex-crazed, drugged-up HUMAN animals as you see fit."

There is NO logical reason to allow people to own children (who I think should be locked up until they turn 18 or learn some manners, whichever comes first) but not to allow me to own a flipping GOLDFISH.

Or to put it another way, Everything Stinks.

Well, I'm not standing for it. Some real estate company five hundred miles away is NOT going to tell me I can't have a fish. I can't do anything (legal) to get rid of the children, but DARN it, I will have my fish! In fact, I do. I passed on the goldfish this time, but I have a nice tropical tank containing a beautiful red male Betta, along with a Platty, a Molly, a Swordtail, a Cory, and an Apple Snail. I also have a second, blue, male Betta in a Betta-Hex tank.

If I get evicted for making a stand for decency, so be it. My fish and I will find a new home, free of brats and scary-looking teenagers. We will not be defeated. Our spirits will not be broken. We will find a new home, and we will be free. Someday. Someday. We will be free.

(DISCLAIMER: This account may or may not have been partly fictional and I hereby disclaim all liability for the accuracy thereof.)


They had a reason for that (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Aug 29th, 2001 at 10:56:11 PM PST
Big, real estate holding corportions tend to be a little more aware of the law, and the penalties for breaking it, than small rental property owners. The admission of little urchin was most likely sparked by the fact that excluding them in the US is quite illegal for general residential apartment complexes.


I'm glad I'm a Libertarian! (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by Craig McPherson on Wed Aug 29th, 2001 at 11:23:45 PM PST
So the government forces private property owners to abide by certain government rules against the wishes of the property owners? The government doesn't think landlords can decide for THEMSELVES who to rent to and who not to rent to? Yes, statism is a wonderful thing.

cough cough

(The title of this Diary got cut off -- the title was supposed to be "My Neighbor Is Allowed To Own A Pot-Head Neo-Nazi Juvenile-Delinquent Street Punk With Purple Hair, But I'm Not Allowed To Own A Goldfish", but I should have previewed.)


--
If you want to know why Lunix is so screwed up, just take a look at the people who use it. Idiocy.

Civil Rights and such. (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by codepoet on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 01:27:34 PM PST
The government doesn't think landlords can decide for THEMSELVES who to rent to and who not to rent to?

Until the sixties, yes. Afterwards we learned that it's not reasonable to assume inteligence and fair play. People are dumb. That's why there's a government, full of dumb people, of course, but still.


 
+1, FP (5.00 / 2) (#3)
by nx01 on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 09:33:09 AM PST
This really needs to be posted.


"Every time I look at the X window system, it's so fucking stupid; and part of me feels responsible for the worst parts of it."
-- James Gosling

Damn straight. (5.00 / 2) (#18)
by CaptainZornchugger on Sat Sep 1st, 2001 at 06:17:21 PM PST
This site needs a few articles lambasting people under 18. That's something we haven't done yet. Could be entertaining hearing the responses and counter-arguments. I mean, this is in the diaries, and it's still gotten a couple of self-righteous 'refutations'.



Re: FP (5.00 / 1) (#19)
by Craig McPherson on Sat Sep 1st, 2001 at 06:36:09 PM PST
If one of the editors wanted to move this to the front page, that'd be fine with me. Or if that's not possible, I might submit an updated version of it it myself in a week or so, once I've done part two of "Global Warming" and also finished what I'm working on next, "An Objective, Impartial Analysis of Linux and FreeBSD, and Why They're Destroying the World."


--
If you want to know why Lunix is so screwed up, just take a look at the people who use it. Idiocy.

 
Preach on brother! (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 11:52:22 AM PST
Amen to that!





 
technically they aren't allowed to own them (5.00 / 1) (#5)
by alprazolam on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 12:19:11 PM PST
something in the laws say that you don't actually own children. this is why it's illegal to do things like eat them.


 
you're funny (1.00 / 2) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 02:30:01 PM PST
I liked this rule.

An incredulous statement coming from someone with the intellectual sophistication of a child.

My fish and I will find a new home,

For the love of God, donate the fish to a child and flush yourself down the toilet.

(DISCLAIMER: I dont need no disclaimer.)


 
+1, FP (5.00 / 2) (#8)
by perdida on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 06:19:07 PM PST
and my +1, FP has some meaning as I am an editor here.

Please post this. It's funny.


This is what democracy looks like

 
It will get worse. Much worse. (5.00 / 3) (#9)
by localroger on Thu Aug 30th, 2001 at 08:32:23 PM PST
Back around '85 this happened to us. We rented a nice apartment (one of only a few in the complex with access to a private courtyard) in Fat City, aka the "Metairie Central Business District," aka the place outside of downtown New Orlenas where all the bars and shit were for adults who didn't want to go to downtown New Orleans to have fun.

The first new owner eliminated the 24 hour maintenance guy.

The next new owner eliminated the 24 hour manager and subbed the pool maintenance. No longer did the laundry machines work reliably, nor were the security lights routinely fixed.

The next new owner let in the Section 8 people and children. Fences went up around the pools (because of the liability with the children) and we got what you describe here w/r/t that little problem. Also, it was at this time that the apartment above ours was occupied for about 6 months by a couple of hookers so the ceiling squeaked all night.

Finally, the next new owner eliminated the pest control, and rat holes began appearing. LARGE rat holes. One day we opened the curtain to our private courtyard and found, 6 inches beyond the glass patio door, a dead rat the size of a small cat. 8 in body, 14 in overall. The next day we went hunting, and we moved within a month.

A couple of years later the place was levelled, and there's a strip mall there now.


 
Um... (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by cowdeth on Fri Aug 31st, 2001 at 12:09:55 AM PST
Um, sir, how old are you, might I ask?

"Now, just like I feared, I DO have to kick aside bratty kids and their Pokeman cards to get up the stairs to my apartment, I DO have to dodge projectile vomit from ugly babies being breastfed by their ugly welfare mothers to get back down the stairs, and I often can't leave the complex because there are scary-looking teenagers standing in the parking lot near my vehicle playing "jump rope," "basket ball," "hackey sack," and whatever other forms of entertainment are popular with crack-smoking high-school dropouts these days."

Pardon my un-adult language, but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Welfare mothers? well, then, if you live in an apartment complex with welfare mothers, perhaps your means are not beyond welfare. or perhaps you ought to consider moving to an "upper class" living space, as opposed to one riddled with "crack-smoking high school dropouts"

I can't even begin to describe how your writing rubs me TOTALLY the wrong way. PLEASE STOP.

You are so viciously wrong.

"owning" childern? WHAT THE FUCK?
(read that one fellow's post on "if we owned childern we could eat them" (or something along those lines))

"My Neighbor Is Allowed To Own A Pot-Head Neo-Nazi Juvenile-Delinquent Street Punk With Purple Hair, But I'm Not Allowed To Own A Goldfish "

Um, I REALLY doubt you will EVER see a Neo-Nazi with purple hair ::grin::, after all, don't neo-nazi's hate homosexuals (much in the same way you do, asshole!)? (correct me if i'm wrong about the neo-nazis!)
Admittedly, many kids smoke weed. But not all. Don't believe what you read or hear or see on tv. Unless EVERY kid in your complex REALLY does smoke crack, have spikey hair, listens to blaring punk rock or white-boy rap (oddly, those two generes of music rarely, if EVER are mixed. if a "wigger" (white male who listens to rap and acts like a black "gangsta") and a "punk" (referring to the hard-core, old school type of punk, not the typical mtv-era blink 182 and sum 41 easily accessible "pop punk") were even close to each other, a fight could very well break out....

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE AND YOUR FELLOW PAYING RESIDENTS, TAKE YOURSELF AND MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!

I'm sure you could find someplace else to cater to your needs of no people under 18 (please note my use of the word "people" instead of "childern") yet still permitting a goldfish. Perhaps you could consider a HOUSE? or just move to another city, or a suburb. Your statements about all the "street punks" and "gangs"...jesus christ, dude...you are talking like you live in Queens or something.

Some of your comments almost sound as if you were joking. I hope you are. For your sake. And I hope that other people like you appear to be from your entry aren't to be found in large quantities.

You have to degrade EVERYTHING, don't you?
You most certainly seem like you're over 60.
And because I'm not nearly 18 (or 30, whichever you like), you will totally discount whatever I say. It's ok. You'll die soon enough, hopefully without passing on your, shall we say, bigotry-infested morals and mindset to others. Take up smoking and drinking heavily. please.
-
IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE AND YOUR FELLOW PAYING RESIDENTS, TAKE YOURSELF AND MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!

how many times can i say that?
I admit you are allowed to hold your own views, no matter how much anyone may disagree with them, but please, don't give yourself REASONS to complain about your environment. Do something about it, damn it!



You are SO right! (5.00 / 2) (#11)
by Craig McPherson on Fri Aug 31st, 2001 at 12:43:54 AM PST
I've been a rude, intolerant dipstick. I'm going to go outside RIGHT NOW, walk up to those scary-looking teenagers, and say "Yo, my homie brothas! Want to go mac on some hoes down on the west side of the crib?"

Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. You are truly, TRULY what makes this site worthwhile! I will treasure your response forever.

I'll let you know how it goes in my next diary entry. (Unless I get "capped" or "sparked".)


--
If you want to know why Lunix is so screwed up, just take a look at the people who use it. Idiocy.

 
Age (5.00 / 3) (#12)
by iat on Fri Aug 31st, 2001 at 12:45:12 AM PST
And because I'm not nearly 18, you will totally discount whatever I say.

Do you have a problem with that? There's an old saying, "Children should be seen and not heard." Although this phrase has been around since Victorian times, it's still as true as ever. Children (legally defined as those under the age of 18) have nothing worthwhile to say - they lack the experience and intellectual & emotional maturity necessary to say anything of value. So, if you are under 18, of course we will discount what you have to say. Your age means that everything your opinions are, by default, worthless.

Together with the ban on trolls, I think Adequacy.org should have a ban on under-18's. Just like trolls, ill-informed posts made by children are a waste of everyone's time.


Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

 
you're not making any sense... (5.00 / 2) (#13)
by error27 on Fri Aug 31st, 2001 at 05:03:11 AM PST
>>Um, I REALLY doubt you will EVER see a Neo-Nazi with purple hair ::grin::, after all, don't neo-nazi's hate homosexuals (much in the same way you do, asshole!)? (correct me if i'm wrong about the neo-nazis!)

So homosexuals have purple hair? I think that's about the dumbest thing I've heard today. Perhaps if kids like you didn't smoke so much weed they would be more coherent and less of a nuisance.




 
What happened to Gotha? (5.00 / 2) (#14)
by cp on Fri Aug 31st, 2001 at 06:22:23 PM PST
Inquiring minds want to know.


Golgotha (5.00 / 1) (#15)
by Craig McPherson on Sat Sep 1st, 2001 at 05:47:53 AM PST
Golgotha is hale and fit and in good spirits, with much vigour and a rugged countenance betraying a gentle animal spirit.

My cat's breath smells like cat food.


--
If you want to know why Lunix is so screwed up, just take a look at the people who use it. Idiocy.

Yes, but: (5.00 / 2) (#16)
by cp on Sat Sep 1st, 2001 at 11:39:42 AM PST
Doesn't he violate the appartment's ban? Doesn't he have something to say about your fish? Or are you keeping him chained up in your basement?


Re: (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by Craig McPherson on Sat Sep 1st, 2001 at 02:30:24 PM PST
Golgotha lives with my parents. She's never lived with me in Fayetteville. I try to visit home at least once every other month or so. She always seems quite happy when I do.


--
If you want to know why Lunix is so screwed up, just take a look at the people who use it. Idiocy.

 

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest ® 2001, 2002, 2003 Adequacy.org. The Adequacy.org name, logo, symbol, and taglines "News for Grown-Ups", "Most Controversial Site on the Internet", "Linux Zealot", and "He just loves Open Source Software", and the RGB color value: D7D7D7 are trademarks of Adequacy.org. No part of this site may be republished or reproduced in whatever form without prior written permission by Adequacy.org and, if and when applicable, prior written permission by the contributing author(s), artist(s), or user(s). Any inquiries are directed to legal@adequacy.org.