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I was thrust from my mother's loins at a time when Spiro Agnew was a heartbeat away from the U.S. Presidency. Because of the chronology involved, I have been grouped with others into a specific demographic. This cultural subset is highly visible right now, wielding considerable influence and moderate disposable income. You can see the signs of us everywhere. We own the radio during "Flashback Fridays", our movies are all over USA and Comedy Central, and we generously donated our music video station to the youngsters and claimed another as our own.
Being part of a specific cultural demographic is much like family: You don't necessarily have to like the people you share unique ties with, but you can't really disown them either. One thing you can do is pose personal questions to them that would be totally innapropriate if it were not for the common bond you share. So with this in mind I would like to ask one of those questions, one that has been troubling me for several years now. |
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WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS?!? CAN'T YOU GROW OLD WITH A LITTLE FUCKING DIGNITY?!?
What sort of degenerate retard fuckwad thinks it is a good idea to resurrect Falco? And where the fuck do you get off watching Flock of Seagulls videos and saying, "Remember when we thought his hair was cool?" NO, I fucking DON'T remember that! I remember everybody thinking that he was a little sissy British cunt, just like all the other effeminate Euro-trash teratogenic abortion candidates we had to listen to! Billy Idol is on tour. HELLO! He is fucking TOURING! Successfully! Because you cock smoking sons of bitches are buying god damn tickets to see a talentless piece of shit relive his undeserved glory days when you should be paying a mobster to kick his mother fucking teeth in instead! Why is John Cusack staging a comeback playing the EXACT SAME WORTHLESS FUCKING LOSER GEEK CHARACTERS that he did in the 80's?!? Why is that worthless cunt Molly Ringwald's hideous face STILL on my TV? Every fucking night? Why?!? What possesses an otherwise sane Adequacy editor who shall remain nameless to defend Miami Vice? Don Johnson wore pink fucking sports jackets for christ's sake! Without a tie! In a T-SHIRT! THESE ARE NOT THINGS TO REMEMBER FONDLY!!! Just because you are worthless chickenshit ass wipes who have chosen to completely withdraw from the world and exist in a state of living death while surrounded by the detritus of the most fundamentally embarassing moment in human history does NOT give you the right to drag my good name through your own putrid effluence just so you can avoid confronting the fact that you are no longer teenagers and your life is a hollow, vapid, and utterly meaningless waste of time that should have been ended during one of those angst-ridden Morrissey binges because you will never have the spine to actually try to accomplish any of the things you always dreamed about.
Fuckers. |