hello, will you be my friend?

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Votes: 12

hello, will you be my friend?

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Sep 14, 2001

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Recent importation of personal squabbles from one online forum to another has made me wonder: where do you people find your enemies? Everyone seems to have one, except me - I'm terribly jealous.

More diaries by yami

Now, I'm a bit new here, and I'd like to start things off on the wrong foot. After all, I haven't gotten any good hate mail in years, ever since I decided that "Enlarge Your Penis!" wasn't actually a misogynist threat. To help out, here's a short list of views actually held by me:

unnatural, genetically modified foods are delicious, and we should eat more of them
aborted human babies would make great subjects for many biology experiments, and are probably also delicious
Hello Kitty appears on some pretty cute products that I might genuinely enjoy owning, if I had extra money
those who voted for Gore should be kicking themselves right now, since they lost the election for Nader
Even the original Star Wars movies weren't all that great
there's still some hope for Esperanto

If you have an axe to grind that I haven't mentioned, do ask me about it - you just might find that I'm an unreasonable idiot who needs to be taught a lesson with profanity and spite.

	This is difficult (5.00 / 1) (#1)
	by bc on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 09:17:31 AM PST

	Unfortunately, I agree with many of your points. Surely there must be something more controversial we can disagree on? I think perhaps Adam Wrongman (lolz I'm so whitty!) will disagree with you on a fundamental (Christian) level though. And we have a practising Satanist on the staff too, so nomatter which path you take you are sure to make enemies. ♥, bc.

	Be careful what you invite into your reality... (5.00 / 2) (#2)
	by chloedancer on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 10:03:34 AM PST

	A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil. Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."

	Voltaire was anti-Christian (5.00 / 2) (#4)
	by bc on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 10:29:09 AM PST

	Perhaps by keeping his options open like that the author of Le pour et le contre (heretical stuff) was accepting the notion of purgatory, as described in the Catechism of the Catholic Chrurch, on his deathbed. It is always heartening to see these unbelievers return to the Lord like that, on their death beds, when they realise that the Church offers more than their rationality ever could. ♥, bc.

	I believe you mean witty (none / 0) (#7)
	by Adam Rightmann on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 11:52:17 AM PST

	anyhow, I would not hate this yami person, though I would pray that their mind would change about abortion. As far as genetically modified foods, what does he think the monk Mendel was doing? A. Rightmann

	to be even more difficult (5.00 / 1) (#11)
	by yami on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 01:53:14 PM PST

	Alas, the result of my religion test was 100% compatibility with the Unitarian Universalists. So making enemies based on religious disagreements is pretty much a non-option in my case. ___ Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

	I will volunteer to be your enemy (3.00 / 2) (#3)
	by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 10:19:29 AM PST

	if that would please you. Personally, as I don't really know you, I would have no problem being your antagonist. I'm very flexible that way. Allow me to start by saying that Hello Kitty sucks. Have a splendid day. -MFS I am not who you think I am.

	Are you cheating on me? (5.00 / 1) (#5)
	by iat on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 10:43:32 AM PST

	You're supposed to be my nemesis. I'll get jealous if you start giving other people attention :( Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

	oh, sorry (1.00 / 1) (#8)
	by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 12:25:14 PM PST

	with all that's happened lately, is it no wonder I'm a bit confused. I profusely apologize. To make it up to you, I offer the following: Jealousy? I though such a petty notion is below someone of your high moral standing. As such, I am clearly disappointed. (Yes, I know, its not a very good effort, but I'm very tired... perhaps I'll try again later) I am not who you think I am.

	I'm touched (3.00 / 2) (#9)
	by iat on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 12:54:51 PM PST

	I'm so pleased to know that you still care! Please moderate me to 1, just for old time's sake. Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

	consider it done! (none / 0) (#12)
	by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 01:55:47 PM PST

	you know, I do feel a little better now. I am not who you think I am.

	you rotten bastard! (5.00 / 1) (#10)
	by yami on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 01:41:27 PM PST

	Frankly, MFS, I am only slightly hurt. However, it galls me that you, my only credible excuse for an enemy, have so little personal investment in our relationship. Furthermore, Hello Kitty represents all that is sweet, innocent, and good in the world - or at least in Japan. Might I suggest that your mother was a troll and your father was a hydrocephalic orangutang named Jimmy? ___ Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

	alas, your diagnosis is incorrect (3.00 / 2) (#13)
	by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 02:12:57 PM PST

	as my mother is an elementary school teacher / principal, and my father is in technical sales with a medical/biology/chemistry background. I should inform you, however, that Hello Kitty is in fact an evil, evil incarnation of all that is twisted in this world. It is simply an embodiment of the foulness of excessive capitalism and the wastefulness of those who have too much in physical goods. Or something like that. But, it should be noted that iat did indeed point out that I am already his nemesis, and as such, our fledgeling animosity must take a back seat to the previously existing relationship. And so, in closing, please flog yourself with a fresh road-kill skunk carcass, and I'm am fairly certain that you are the unfortunate results of a failed abortion attempt. And at that, I bid thee, adieu. -MFS I am not who you think I am.

	I'll have you know... (5.00 / 1) (#14)
	by yami on Sat Sep 15th, 2001 at 05:07:58 AM PST

	... that most of my elementary school teachers were trolls. However, I'll concede that your father is probably not an orangutang, since most higher primates would be ridiculously overqualified for a position in technical sales. Though I'm descending into wild speculation, a large banana slug seems like an appropriate guess here. You and the sniveling maggot known as iat are welcome to sit in your respective pits of slime and spit at each other; I have too many important things to do to bother with either of you, or with your baseless attacks on the Sanrio empire. My devastatingly clever revenge shall come when you least expect it. Meanwhile, I'll moderate some of your comments to 1, just on principle. MUHAHAHA! ___ Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

	Leave me out of this... (5.00 / 1) (#15)
	by iat on Sat Sep 15th, 2001 at 05:42:23 AM PST

	You and the sniveling maggot known as iat Don't forget, I can delete your account, MFS can't. Please direct your teenage angst at him, not me. Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

	the wonders of jealousy (5.00 / 1) (#16)
	by yami on Sat Sep 15th, 2001 at 02:06:03 PM PST

	Sorry, iat, I didn't really mean to drag you into the brewing mess between MFS and myself. But, well, you're his first nemesis, and he hates you more than me. I'll try and keep my jealousy down to a simmering grudge, and release it only with infrequent snide remarks about the quality and sexual habits of Adequacy's administration. ___ Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

	i don't think i have an enemy either (none / 0) (#6)
	by alprazolam on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 11:30:35 AM PST

	if it makes you feel better. although i think i have managed to antagonize a few people here anyway. strange things happen when you break the news to people that "god" is just a hoax.

	eh... (5.00 / 1) (#17)
	by em on Mon Sep 17th, 2001 at 02:57:13 AM PST

	unnatural, genetically modified foods are delicious, and we should eat more of them No, you unsensitive idiot. We don't need to eat any more than we do; it's the starving people that need it. aborted human babies would make great subjects for many biology experiments, and are probably also delicious It is more cost efficient to let them be born and gain some weight before consumption. Your idea is horribly wasteful, but given your previous idea, what were we to expect? Also, I object to your calling a foetus a "baby". Hello Kitty appears on some pretty cute products that I might genuinely enjoy owning, if I had extra money Nonsense. A Hello Kitty paper shredder can be had for $18. those who voted for Gore should be kicking themselves right now, since they lost the election for Nader Don't be ridiculous. Nader, president? Haha. Even the original Star Wars movies weren't all that great Whoa. Stop press. What's next, you're going to discover that anime is actually not fine art? there's still some hope for Esperanto Esperanto? You must be kidding. Anyway, the language of the future is Tok Pisin. --em Associate Editor, Adequacy.org

	18 money! (none / 0) (#18)
	by yami on Mon Sep 17th, 2001 at 03:48:45 PM PST

	I assume you're talking about 18 US money here; where I live, this would be 144 money, and if you went to Turkey it would cost a whopping 27,360,000 money. Any idiot can see that these are big numbers. If you have 27,360,000 spare money, please buy me a Hello Kitty paper shredder. I don't have that many numbers in my pocket. ___ Why should we plant when there are so many mongongo nuts in the world?

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