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This is an unofficial archive site only. It is no longer maintained.
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As with all my newsletters, We at Martin Cortez Financial Corporation always stir a ruckus (or as some might say, a controversy). Several of you have written me in regards to my last newsletter. We here at the office like to take the time to reply to our readers.
Dear Dr. Cortez, I love your newsletter!! I have been a fan of your witty, intelligent style for years. Sometimes, I even sneek your newsletter in to read during long, boring presentations given by my colleges. However, I must say - I could not understand a word of what you wrote in your last edition! Surely I must have recived a copy printed in error.
Morly Schafer Continued On Page IV... |
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...Continued From Page I Dear Mr. Schafer Sir, Our last issue was a trial issue. As you know, only the members of the elite intelligentsia of our society read the Martin-Cortez Newsletter. Often times, our newsletter is found in only the most prestigious shopping centers. Sometimes, however, people who are not as intelligent as I shop as such stores. Speaking the yet-unamed language of the gifted, we can weed out such people. If you cannot make sence of that newsletter, I suggest that you subscribe to a newsletter more in line with your reading comprehention. Dear Sir, I have been reading your newsletter since my father sent me to Princeton to major in Business. You have been an excellent asset. However, your last article, you stated: Duex Qu Coete, which is actually incorrect. What you should have said was Du Que Coete, which derives it's roots from ancient greek word meaning Cu'Quese. I'm sure your editor has made a note of this gross error and we shall see the correction printed soon. Richard Scotsdale Dear Mr. Scotsdale Sir, I'm sure you are aware that this is no longer correct. According to the latest findings of the language committee, the correct word is Duex Qu Coete. You are correct however, Du Que Coete does derive it's roots from Cu'Quese. Dear Dr. Martin Cortez Sir, I have a personal problem that needs addressing. We are currently being bought out by a larger corporation. The CEO of that corporation is demanding that my female employees take a "swimsuit test" with him and his companies board of directors. Several of our female employess are complaining that this is somehow "illegal". Please give me the real deal.
Troubled CEO
Dear Troubled CEO Sir, I can feel your pain. After my recent (and yet unsettled) series of lawsuits filed by my former nude typists, I have learned alot about female employees. You must treat them with tenderness, and loving care. If one should say, break a nail - this is a perfect time to pat them on the back, and look fondly at their breasts. Female employees love their male co-workers look at their breasts. It makes them feel their person, and their ideas are validated. You do not want those so called "feminists" working at your workplace - they fill your female staff full of lies. It sounds like you made that mistake. Fire the feminists, and treat your remaining female employees with a special, gental hand. Females like massages. I hope this helps your no doubt fustrating experiance. I thank all of my intelligent adequacy readers for taking the time to write me. Dr. Martino Cortez
If you have any questions, or comments, you can email me, "post" a so called "comment" to this "weblog", or write:
Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
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