On my way to an off-site meeting today, I decided to take the I-5 express lanes so I could drop by my house to grab an umbrella and a book before getting trapped in what was likely to be several hours of boredom. About a mile from my exit, I noticed a car pulled over and three people who were trying to hitch a ride. I've only been commuting via personal vehicle for little more than a year now and generally stop for anyone who's stranded. I picked up a 40-something woman and two teenagers; apparently their car had run out of gas and they were cold and wet.

So we headed off to the nearest gas station. The woman was seated in the passenger seat next to me, and the teens were in the back. We chatted a bit; they thanked me for picking them up and I thanked them for delaying my arrival at the aforementioned meeting. The woman next to me brought up the topic of the WTC attack and I mentioned that I'd noticed that people seemed to have been being nicer to one another for about three weeks afterward, but that unfortunately the status quo of "everyone out for themselves" seemed to have returned again in full force -- yet another bit of tragedy, in my mind. We arrived at the gas station and I got out of the car, retrieving my bag from the footwell of the back seat. I was going to offer to help out with the cost of the gas can and gas -- until I noticed that my wallet was now cash-free.

I pointed this out to the folks I'd picked up, stating that I knew that there had been about 20 bucks that was now missing. The woman who had been sitting next to me immediately proclaimed her innocence, and I stated quietly that I knew it wasn't her doing, but instead that I thought it was more likely a result of action taken by the girl who'd been seated behind me. I asked for a little honesty, but none was delivered; the girl said nothing. I said that I knew the cash was there when I left my office because I'd checked to be certain that I had enough to cover parking in the event that a free spot wasn't available. The awkward silence continued and I realized that everyone knew the score but no one else was brave enough to acknowledge this; it was surreal. I could tell that the girl was angry for having been caught; she left to go about the business of getting the gas can and gas and the rest of us waited without speaking.

I gave them a lift back to their car, despite. I decided that the amount lost wasn't enough to be angry about (and had verified that nothing else was missing); it also wasn't important enough to change my willingness to help, either. Call me whatever you wish; all I can offer in my defense is my belief that the day that I am like most of the other so-called humans around me is the day I lose.

The comic (cosmic?) irony of the conversation and the events was absolutely sublime, all things considered. And its message is sadly one I'm tripping across with an almost alarming degree of frequency these days... it seems like the more I give, the more others take. That's the part I haven't figured out how to deal with yet; I just wish I wasn't so close to saying "Screw it!" and throwing my hat into the ring with everybody else.

For now, all I know is this -- I realize it could have been worse. The next time I offer to help, I'll throw my bag into the trunk (I would have done so today if I'd not been at risk of putting myself in harm's way trying to get out of my car with freeway traffic whizzing by). Maybe a little more emphasis on protection will buy me a little more time before I simply give up.