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While living the carefree life of a bohemian university student many years ago, I discovered two wondrous truths. You may ignore these truths, or you may use them to build your own great fortune, it matters not to me. I am already rich, by the standards of bohemia at any rate.
Truth One: There are only two organs in the human body which regenerate: the liver and the skin. However if you are living a life of deprivation--such as that sort of life a bohemian university student might lead--and have been reduced to eating only bonemeal and drinking water from the tap, it becomes evident after a suitable interval that bonemeal is a miracle drug and will cause other organs and human body parts to regenerate. The proof of this is that my fingernails began to grow at a tremendously accelerated, almost visible rate after only three months on this simple diet. Hair too. I am certain that more research will show that bonemeal, if consumed in sufficient quantities will help lost digits to regenerate. Lose a finger? Eat bonemeal. The finger will grow back. Eye poked out by a careless younger brother running with scissors? Bonemeal will help grow that eye back. Don't take my word for it--try it. Truth two: Warts may be cured using voodoo and common tools found in most kitchens. First curse the warts loudly and make them feel unwelcome. Then, hack at them with a bread knife or any sharp tool with a serrated edge. The wart will vanish leaving only a relatively small but bloody crater. I am open to suggestion as to how to leave a blank line between paragraphs. |
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