Nursery rhymes lead children to making stupid, rash, ill-thought out decisions that ultimately lead to lives of sexual promiscuity, broken marriages, drug-infestation and general unhappiness. In short, nursery rhymes are pivotal to our society unwittingly leading the future generations - our children - into a disaster zone.

You may think that I am over-reacting - surely those little ditties that are sung to our little loved ones as they lay their heads to sleep are completely innocent, and many of you will contend that I am trying to be overly politically correct, however I really think I need to show to you just how dangerous some of these rhymes are. Below, I present a group of popular nursery rhymes followed by my reasonable understanding of their true meanings. You can then decide for yourselves whether we should continue to allow our children to be subjected to their filth - this is no urban myth a la "Roger the Cabin Boy" from Captain Pugwash; this is real.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

We begin with promiscuity - young men and women being allowed to go around unaccompanied. There is no mention as to whether Jack and Jill are courting, but I suspect that this sort of immoral behaviour (young couples disappearing off without parental consent) is common in many communist dictatorships. There is also an implication of child labour - why were they going to fetch the water? No doubt Jill's pimp and Jack's crack dealer was forcing them into the deal. The evidence to support this is quite clearly how unsober Jack was to 'fall down' and 'break his crown' (the crown refers to his head and not a majestic/golden adornment for our American cousins). He was either clearly drunk, or smoking some sort of 'waccy-baccy'. Jill also seemed equally 'sloshed'

Up Jack got
And home did trot
As fast as he could caper
Went to bed
And plastered his head
With vinegar and brown paper

You may notice there is no concern for Jill's welfare here - she is left at the bottom of the hill to rot. Perhaps Jack was so drunk that he forgot Jill was with him. He certainly must have been rather out of it to start plastering his head with vinegar and brown paper - perhaps this rhyme is supposed to prepare the children of the UK for the decline in the NHS and make it acceptable for poor healthcare to be doled out on the poor, the drunk and the addicts.

The next rhyme I noticed had other meaning as well as just being ill-advised was the 'Owl and the Pussycat', a popular nursery rhyme supposedly detailing the wondrous love of an Owl and a Cat. The first verse goes thus:

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

Straight away we see several problems. In this day where humans of all creeds, class and colours 'get it on' we may accept a social tolerance to many types of relationship. However, are we really supposed to expect inter-species breeding is a good thing? The net is awash with bestiality. Infesting our children's minds with this sort of muck is not going to reverse the situation.

Secondly, the whole idea has clearly not been thought out properly - going to sea is a dangerous activity at the best of times. Suggesting that going in a small boat with nothing more than some 'honey and plenty of money wrapped up in a five pound note' is dangerous. Young sailors should be made aware that more provisions should be taken aboard a boat and that customs and excise should be informed if you enter a new country. If you turn up as the owl and pussycat do, you are almost certainly going to be arrested on suspicion of drug smuggling - perhaps the underlying story here is that the CIA want the profession of smuggling to be seen as 'romantic' so they can encourage youngsters to move cocaine out of Columbia. It still remains dangerous however when conducted in this manner - I dread to think what would happen if a storm broke out as there is no mention of life jackets being taken aboard on this voyage. Lastly, the vulgarity and sexual innuendo of the owls references to 'pussy' is disgusting, and not worthy of any captain of any vessel. It gets worse though, as the second verse shows:

Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

OK, so the cat is a slut who will get married to any old thing - even a suspect drug dealer who isn't even of the same species. This is dangerous stuff. What is worse is the drug reference - the Bong Tree - and a pig who has defaced himself with a body piercing. Something that is all too common in our modern society with its loose morals. For reasons of space, I will not repeat the last verse here, suffice to say they use the pig's ring as the sacred token of marriage (quite disgusting, and obviously anti-Semitic). They also dance by the light of the moon - a reference I believe to drug and rave culture where young people dance late into the night. If you can't see the dangers here, you're an idiot.

Next though, I discovered other nursery rhymes that lead young misguided parents into giving their young children awful lessons in life. For example:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall,
All the King's Horses,
All the King's Men,
Couldn't Put Humpty Together Again

This is not only anti-Royalist and a disgraceful slur on Monarchy, but shows how dangerous risk-taking activities are. Why did Humpty Dumpty fall? I suspect the hidden message is that Humpty was a crack smoker and was 'high on life' - the fact that his end was so pathetic may not get through to some kids. In this day and age where so many wish to be famous, the fact that this buffoon has been granted infamy through his dangerous acts may make some wish to follow him. However, the worst Nursery Rhyme yet that I have encountered is that of Old Mother Hubbard:

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor dog a bone;
But when she came there
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor dog had none.

This is animal neglect, and poor house management. Young women should be taught that to allow their homes to fall into such a state is a disgrace. To not even have enough food for the dog is something worthy of prison. However, the story goes on:

She took a clean dish
To get him some tripe;
But when she came back
He was smoking a pipe.
She went to the grocer's
To buy him some fruit;
But when she came back
He was playing the flute.

The dog, quite clearly, is taking drugs. The 'pipe' is either a bong or a crack pipe. A short time later the poor animal is so off its tits it's playing a flute - this is a story of real-life ghetto and social welfare existence and is happening all over our country right now today. What this story has to answer for is shocking. The story however, has no happy ending, merely a warning to the children who wish to follow the dog's example:

She went to the baker's
To buy him some bread;
But when she came back
The poor dog was dead.

A sad tale. Quite clearly, the dog had over-dosed. So easy to do when you have paws, and not opposable thumbs like us superior human beings, having been blessed by God.

She went to the undertaker's
To buy him a coffin;
But when she came back
The poor dog was laughing.

Ahhh, a sick joke, no doubt April Fool's or some other satanic ritual. I suspect that the dog at this stage may actually be undead, as he most likely practised Wicca or Satanism.

She went to the hatter's
To buy him a hat;
But when she came back
He was feeding the cat.

The dame made a curtsey,
The dog made a bow;
The dame said, "Your servant."
The dog said, "Bow wow!"


If this story isn't about the subservience to the Devil himself, I don't know what other purpose it could serve. It is a disgrace that such devil worship should be permitted into the minds of our children. I would like to suggest that we write to our politicians now to have such disgraceful 'ditties' outlawed and protect our children. There are many other nursery rhymes that show ill judgement and should not be given to young minds. If other readers wish to make suggestions, I would be grateful however I now wish to make some short comments about other rhymes I have discovered that are in the height of bad taste and clearly suggest a life of immortality to our children:

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for the master,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

A racist term on the first line, and then a sheep that is quite obviously paying off bribes to the local Mafioso, a prostitute and his rent boy. Also shows poor judgement with regard to the sheep understanding production cycles and market economics.

Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down!
Hickory, dickory, dock.

Cowardice. Pure and simple cowardice.

Dance to your Daddy,
My little babby,
Dance to your Daddy,
My little lamb.
You shall have a fishy
In a little dishy,
You shall have a fishy
When the boat comes in.

Quite obviously paedophilic prostitution - who allowed this into the public domain as being acceptable? I have even found new nursery rhymes in the course of my research (like the one here that are beyond even innuendo. Write to your politicians NOW! Stop this filth!