I can speak six languages and fly a jetliner.

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Poll

Votes: 21

I can speak six languages and fly a jetliner.

Author:

luisa

Topic:

Diaries

Posted:

Feb 20, 2002

Comments:

I can also do my own tax return.

More diaries by luisa

	Hello.
	Is fiction permitted in the Diaries?
	Only extremely attractive people are cool.
	Extremely attractive people do not wear makeup regularly.
	Women are sublime; men are beautiful.
	You're all whores.
	The witch is dead.
	A story for you.
	Altoids are Curiously Strong.
	Who stole my thunder?

How about you?

	What I can do (none / 0) (#1)
	by jvance on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 12:00:07 AM PST

	I can hire a common laborer such as yourself to fly my jet around the world and translate for me. -- Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

	And what labours are uncommon, perchance? (none / 0) (#3)
	by luisa on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 01:12:05 AM PST

	And what leads you to believe any of my potential services are cheap enough to be sold to a bidder such as yourself?

	Yes. You are the best. (none / 0) (#5)
	by tkatchev on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 02:11:31 AM PST

	Go dream team go. -- Peace and much love...

	All who labor are common (none / 0) (#10)
	by jvance on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 07:19:50 AM PST

	First, the fact that you are even considering the sale of your services. Second, your spelling of "labour" indicates you hail from the Commonwealth, which means you would perform all manner of unspeakable acts for a few dollars of real USian cash. -- Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

	Pah! (none / 0) (#15)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 10:26:06 AM PST

	I'll take three of your inferior "dollars" for each pair of British Pounds, thank you very much.

	My services have no price a mortal could pay. (none / 0) (#26)
	by luisa on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 04:22:36 PM PST

	I also do not hail from the Commonwealth. Assumptions are silly things to make, if one is inclined to make ones as incorrect as yours.

	So... (none / 0) (#27)
	by jvance on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 06:38:05 PM PST

	...your British spelling of "labour" is merely a pretentious affectation. NEXT! -- Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

	Sometimes I use the spelling 'labor', (none / 0) (#30)
	by luisa on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 09:03:45 PM PST

	making my spelling eccentric rather than anglophilic. I vary my use of American and Anglic spellings depending on whim, not a desire to be English. I believe in using whatever spelling of an English word looks most pleasing to my eye. Sometimes that is a Brit form and other times it is an American one.

	Fair Enough (none / 0) (#31)
	by jvance on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 10:00:10 PM PST

	My mother's English, and I spent about eight years of my childhood there, so my spelling waffles back and forth too. Which languages can you speak, and which is your mother tongue? -- Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

	I love you. (none / 0) (#2)
	by tkatchev on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 12:36:08 AM PST

	You are my hero. -- Peace and much love...

	Congratulations! (none / 0) (#4)
	by Juan Fernandez on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 01:28:30 AM PST

	Congratulations! six spoken languages are a good thing, but what's about writing them? By the way, I'm not impressed at all about your pilot capabilities... wake up, things are not the same after Microsoft Flight Simulator was released... even a drunken retarded chimp could pilot a Learjet with a single hand nowadays given you let it play for a while with a PC first I'm not telling you are not an extraordinary human being anyway: no chimp can speak six languages, no matter how long you let it play with a PC first!

	But.... (none / 0) (#7)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 04:45:32 AM PST

	PotatoError is going to have a serious problem with that last line.

	Indeed. (5.00 / 1) (#8)
	by tkatchev on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 04:55:29 AM PST

	The only reason chimps haven't yet learned to create eloquent works of art is because they are oppressed by the Young White Male Overlord Conspiracy. I think we need equal rights for everyone if we are going to claim that we an elightened democracy. -- Peace and much love...

	I'm confused (none / 0) (#9)
	by Juan Fernandez on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 06:55:29 AM PST

	Were you thinking about chimps or geeks when you typed that "everyone"?

	I meant it. (none / 0) (#12)
	by tkatchev on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 08:31:52 AM PST

	I said "everyone" and I meant it. (i.e. That means chimps, geeks, and even non-chimp non-geeks.) -- Peace and much love...

	really? (none / 0) (#14)
	by Juan Fernandez on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 08:47:59 AM PST

	well, then you also ment that chimps should vote, get social security and an allowance from the state when they are so old that they can not even peel the bananas by themselves, didn't you?

	Well of course. (5.00 / 1) (#16)
	by tkatchev on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 10:35:17 AM PST

	Mr. PotatoError has already proved (using the scientific method, no less) that chimps are really nothing but underdeveloped humans. As such, they deserve more humane treatement than humans, not less. It only makes sense that the poor and the downtrodden should recieve special care that they need to escape their quagmire, no? Really, in that light, compassion and humane treatement for chimps is no different from compassion towards the ill and the disabled. You don't honestly think that the disabled should be abused by our society, do you? That would be a feat of social darwinism worthy of Hitler. -- Peace and much love...

	true (none / 0) (#17)
	by Juan Fernandez on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 10:47:22 AM PST

	Despite the fact that disabled people are already being abused by our society (at least in this country) i must admit that you are right.

	Really? (none / 0) (#6)
	by zikzak on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:22:36 AM PST

	I can play "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" with my armpit. You wanna go out on a date sometime? I think we're well matched.

	Open up, this is the police. (5.00 / 1) (#11)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 08:20:11 AM PST

	We got this tip off that you're multilingual and you can fly a plane. This makes you the prime suspect for teaching Islamic militants to fly. We would like to question you to see if you're foreign, in which case you're bound to be guilty. While we're at it, we'd like to question you about your involvement in the disappearance of Shergar, and your uncanny resemblance to Lord Lucan.

	Me (none / 0) (#13)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 08:45:07 AM PST

	I can lick my eyebrows.

	So? (none / 0) (#18)
	by westgeof on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 12:00:39 PM PST

	I can probably lick your eyebrows too, that's not exactly a difficult task. Not that I would want to of course. What I can do, that you apparenlty can not, is post comments without hiding behind an anonymous name. As a child I wanted to know everything. Now I miss my ignorance.

	Mmm. (none / 0) (#20)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:13:56 PM PST

	I found that I could suck my own dick when I was 13. Unfortunately I lost that ability when I had another growth spurt.

	also, (none / 0) (#21)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:15:42 PM PST

	and I forgot, I can also write comments that get deleted.

	I can edit diaries... (5.00 / 2) (#19)
	by elenchos on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 01:57:58 PM PST

	...or delete them, pretty much any way I feel like. And I can screw with comments. I can also make stuff up and post it, and if anyone complains, I can delete them. I can predict our future too. I can tell that we are all doomed. There is no hope for us, in the long run. We will die and be forgotten and there is nothing we can do about it. Even if anyone chances to remember you after you are gone, it will do you no good. Let them build a shrine to your memory, write a hundred biographies of your life. So what? You'll be dead and gone and there's nothing that can help that. And then even if you are remembered, those who remember you will die too, and then what? What monument can outlast time? Everything turns to dust and even the dust disappears. Wake up people! This is it! This pathetic slim moment is all you have! There is nothing else! Nothing! And you are wasting it. Letting it all slip away. You think you are saving yourself for something better? There is nothing more. Nothing beyond today, beyond the breath you take right now. Life is made up of these singular moments, each breath is the sum total of your life. Memory of the past and anticpation of the future are PHANTOMS! The have no existence outside your mind, so forget them. Living your whole life chasing phantoms will lead you to total dissolution. Before you know it, you will be dead, and your last thoughts will be regets, regrets, regrets... I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	Partial help. (5.00 / 1) (#22)
	by The Mad Scientist on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:26:00 PM PST

	Living your whole life chasing phantoms will lead you to total dissolution. Job in a chem plant can have similar effects, especially when combined with malfunction in a peroxosulfuric acid tank valve. Before you know it, you will be dead, and your last thoughts will be regets, regrets, regrets... Easy help here. Work with explosives. Before you know it, you will be dead, and your last thought will be "...and now I will connect this wir-".

	So... (5.00 / 1) (#24)
	by poltroon on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:48:48 PM PST

	what difference does it make what your last thoughts are?

	I think you're right. (none / 0) (#25)
	by elenchos on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 04:00:05 PM PST

	It doesn't matter at all. Probably at the time you will think it matters, but then poof! All over and done, and nothing left. In that case, seize the day now, that's what I say. I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	Hey, a question for you... (5.00 / 1) (#28)
	by poltroon on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 06:48:32 PM PST

	If I should be seizing the day, why am I going to go get four teeth extracted from my head tomorrow morning? It's the sort of thing I'm only doing because of some supposed distant future payoff, which I may not live long enough to realize. In fact, I may die tomorrow, with my last thought being, uggg, my face is going to hurt when I wake up. I could wake up with a broken jaw. What if they can't get my mouth shut again after ramming around in there? Or I could choke to death on blood while I sleep. Tomorrow is sure going to be crap. Why should I subject myself to a crappy moment? I suppose I'm doing it for the drugs, really, and the day off from work.

	A day spent on opiates... (none / 0) (#29)
	by elenchos on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 06:54:19 PM PST

	...is a day well spent. If you run out of Percoset or whatever you get, let me know. I've discovered the most amazing things happen when you grind up Hypermints and snort them. Tonight I'm going to see how well they freebase. Wish me luck! I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	Wisdom teeth? (none / 0) (#32)
	by tkatchev on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 02:26:11 AM PST

	It sounds like you are going to have your wisdom teeth extracted. You know, there is absolutely no good reason to do that. It provides absolutely no benefit to your health; dentists force it on you so that they can reap a few more wads of cash. Seriously, people live absolutely normal lives with a full set of wisdom teeth. Don't butcher yourself just because your dentist told you to! -- Peace and much love...

	Wisdom teeth. (none / 0) (#34)
	by hauntedattics on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 11:59:28 AM PST

	I only had mine extracted because my dentist said they were impacted and would grow in crooked, screwing up the rest of my mouth. Of course, he could have been full of shit...

	He probably was... (none / 0) (#35)
	by tkatchev on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 12:57:00 PM PST

	You realize that 90% of the world's population lives with a full set of teeth? The vast majority have no problems with it. Wisdom teeth become a problem only if you have some sort of pathologically misshapen jaw. It's similar to the situation with braces -- most people with braces do not need them; those that do, usually don't need full-blown glue-on monstrosities -- most of the time, a snap-on thing is sufficient. -- Peace and much love...

	America the teeth-obsessed. (none / 0) (#36)
	by hauntedattics on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 01:14:06 PM PST

	I didn't have braces, but my orthodontist insisted on a retainer to correct the same slight overbite my grandmother has lived with for over 80 years. Boy, was he ever a butthead. Slightly crooked teeth are sexier, anyway.

	too late... (5.00 / 1) (#39)
	by poltroon on Sat Feb 23rd, 2002 at 08:29:32 PM PST

	I'm looking like a chipmunk today, which, as it turns out, is actually not unpleasant.

	Just wait... (none / 0) (#40)
	by hauntedattics on Sun Feb 24th, 2002 at 02:09:42 PM PST

	until the lovely bruises flower around your jaw line.

	There is a delete button on your screen... (none / 0) (#33)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 08:42:26 AM PST

	...but there is no delete button for your dreams and nightmares. This is the arena in which I operate. What you need is a delete button that deletes my comments before you can read them, before they shatter the illusions of your mind. But nobody can give you that. There is only one option. Death. What happens then is indeterminate, but at least you will be free of my tyranny! You hope.

	Jesus, I never saw such a powerful Mister before! (none / 0) (#37)
	by Juan Fernandez on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 05:23:20 PM PST

	Jesus, Mister: you must be really a powerful entity, I wish I could do great things too. My poor brain, partially destroyed by years of Coca-Cola and american cigarettes, can not avoid to realize the truth in your speech, even a dead deaf man could hear the voice of fucking angels singing "What a powerful Mister". But that watching people like you roaming around is pretty funny fun is a fact of life as well. In the middle of this lake of joy all around I suddenly remembered that I like to see things with my own long-slashed eyes and so I tell you that maybe as you are so powerful you could afford to waste some of your karma energy or whatever other ridiculous name you call your time and delete this comment, giving me the ultimate demonstration of your powers. Anyway you know that there is no need for me to remind you that as it is impossible that you could see in this comment anything but a troll and you look like some kind of a duty-liking sonofabitch as Good Old Samuel L. Jackson uses to say, you have no other choice than deleting this comment or you are probably going to be remembered as the most patient and tolerant editor in this site as long as it is up and running, and even more. Jajajaja you lose!

	Addendum (none / 0) (#38)
	by Juan Fernandez on Fri Feb 22nd, 2002 at 05:26:52 PM PST

	I forgot to point that only the first line of your comment was referred in mine. If you are interested in any kind of opinion about the rest of the comment, just tell me so.

	Can you do my tax return? (none / 0) (#23)
	by perdida on Thu Feb 21st, 2002 at 03:47:37 PM PST

	:) This is what democracy looks like

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