Good Golly

This story may seem far-fetched, but sadly the truth is stranger than fiction. Until recently, the golliwog was a popular toy which provided innocent fun to many generations of children from all over the world. But times have changed. The much-loved golliwog has now been demonised by the liberals, and beaten with the rod of political correctness.

The proud history of the golliwog started with the character Golliwogg in the childrens' stories by Bertha Upton. The character's name was a modified version of the phrase "Jolly Western Oriented Gentleman", or "Jollywog" . It beggars belief that the liberals view the golly as a racist artefact of unenlightened times. After all, the unwieldy phrase "western oriented gentleman" bears a remarkable similarity to many of the inoffensive terms used by the politically correct to describe "persons of colour". And since when has jolity been an emotion that is commonly associated with racial oppression?

In their attempts to enforce political correctness upon society, the liberals have worked to eradicate all literary references to the golliwog. It is ironic that their efforts to bowdlerise the works of Enid Blyton have proved to be even more racially insenstive than the golliwog ever was. For example, the home of the golliwogs in Blyton's Noddy stories, Golly Town, was replaced by Monkey Town. This ham-fisted attempt at censorship only serves to condition children to believe racist propaganda which claims that negroes are monkeys. In many illustrations in Blyton's books, the golliwog has been substituted for a caucasian. This echoes the unfortunate incident in which the Ford Motor Company replaced the faces of four black workers with "more acceptable" white faces in promotional photographs.

Political correctness has also signalled the end to a great British institution. For over 70 years, the golliwog (pictured right) has been the mascot of the Robertson's Jams and has adorned every jar of marmalade sold by the company. Sadly, Golly's days are numbered. Robertson's have decided to abandon their venerable figurehead in favour of characters from Roald Dahl's books. While the official reason for the golliwog's retirement is a lack of brand awareness among children, it is clear that Golly's tarnished image is at least partly responsible. But is the Robertson's golliwog really so bad? Let's look at the evidence:

He is in gainful employment
Until recently, he was sucessful in his career
He's smartly dressed
Golly is always happy
He's loved by millions.

Clearly, the golliwog is the perfect role model for black children. If only these children chose to be more like Golly, rather than emulating the tragic lives of dead rap musicians, they could have a much brighter future.

The truth of the matter is that the golliwog's only crime is that the liberals didn't invent him first. While the liberals' best attempt at indoctrinating children to date was the ill-fated Special Needs Barbie (complete with pink wheelchair, guide dog and full-time care assistant figurine) and Gimp Ken (supplied with matching leg callipers and crutches), the golliwog is the embodiment of Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream of white and black children joining together in peace.

If only we'd give him another chance, the loveable old golliwog can help to stamp out racism by teaching children to ignore the colour of our skin. Learning to love Golly could prove to be the first step on the road to racial harmony.

	I keep looking at her masturbating nude... (5.00 / 2) (#4)
	by elenchos on Tue Sep 11th, 2001 at 01:00:26 AM PST

	...in that Opium ad (or "advert" as you would say), and comparing her with all those other pictures of her -- the ones where she is a cow -- and I can't figure it out. She is far, far thinner in the nude masturbation photo, first off. Did she lose weight just for that one? There are other nude photos of her where she is clearly quite obese, so I don't think being displayed totally naked to the entire world was a motivation for her to shed a pound or fifty. It must have been that she would be photographed as a masturbator. Anyone would want to be thin for that, obviously. It is sort of the need to recover some pathetic shred of dignity in the midst of total humiliation. The other thing is that in the Opium masturbation photo her face looks totally different too. Upon examining the other pictures, I was shocked to see that she is unmistakably an Englishwoman, with all the unpleasantness that implies. Perhaps the masturbation photo was changed using computer graphics technologies, to remove both her unsighly fat belly and her English facial features as well. But the article already covered this kind of photo modification so I won't go into it. The one thing that I was surprised was not discussed in this article was the use of photographs of fat women masturbating on bill-boards in the United-Kingdom, England, and Scotland. I'm pretty certain here in a normal country we never, ever have photographs depicting any type of masturbation on bill-boards. Why was this glossed over in this article? Anyway, I'm thankful to Adequacy.edu for bringing this interesting state of affairs to my attention. Normally someone from one of the less important parts of the world like Sophie Dahl would never be heard of here in USia, leaving us with a far smaller pool of freaks and unnatural aberations to gawk at than we have here. I can only say that I hope to see links so more of the same in the future, although natrually I wouldn't want to see an excessive number women with such English faces (the English chin, lips, and freakishly-spaced eyes are what I'm referring to mostly, you no doubt are aware). I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	I hear that she's a regular Adequacy.org reader (5.00 / 3) (#5)
	by iat on Tue Sep 11th, 2001 at 01:47:02 AM PST

	So if Ms Dahl is reading this and would care to come out with me for a drink sometime, maybe she'd like to reply to this comment with a time and a place? Afterwards, I could take her back to my flat where I could show her my, erm, submission queue, which is very long at the moment. BTW, Ms Dahl is truly delightful, and I think your comments about her weight are both unkind and uncalled for. She is a goddess among women, and she looks particularly endearing in that photograph which you viciously title "cow". If you persist in posting unpleasant comments, I will be forced to protect my sweetheart by deleting your account. HTH. Adequacy.org - love it or leave it.

	Unkind? How so? (5.00 / 1) (#8)
	by elenchos on Tue Sep 11th, 2001 at 08:42:33 AM PST

	She is indisputably English, and there's nothing to be done about that -- other than the obvious necessity of some photoshopping to de-Anglicize her features enough for wide public viewing. I don't see how a woman who is comfortable masturbating nude in public would have any qualms about a simple statement of fact. As far as her weight, she is, if you like, a "full-sized" woman. She is clearly quite comfortable with herself and seems to have no problem at all with her weight. Other than during her voluptous surging towards self-induced orgasm in full public view, as previously analyzed, of course. Perhaps it is the word "cow" you object to. Why should I apologize for what is obviously a misogynistic denegration of all things female that originated in your mind, not in my writings? She is cow-like. We can all (if we are rational) agree to that. That you have a sexist cow-phobic reaction to the word is not something I can be responsible for. While I'm tempted to launch into a long tirade intended to educate you on the worth and dignity of cows, I think it would be a waste of time. You have a bull-centric view of cattle, and if you haven't yet realized the kind of contradictions implied by that, I cannot in a few short minutes change your mind. I would only ask that you at least take a look around. Sure, maybe most of the traditional roles of power and honor in our half-civilized culture are played by bulls, but cows are just as important, and every day, cows prove that they are just as capable, just as strong, and just as intelligent as any bull. "Cow" is a word of pride in today's world, and will be even more so in tomorrow's world. I'm sorry that you haven't seen it this way, but I'm grateful for a forum like Adequacy that let's us excange our opposing views peacefully. I do, I do, I do --Bikini Kill

	Speaking as an expert, she's not masturbating (5.00 / 2) (#7)
	by Adam Rightmann on Tue Sep 11th, 2001 at 03:44:17 AM PST

	since that involves some sort of physical contact with the genitals. Please do read my weekly column to learn a little more about masturbation, why it's dangerous, and how you can prevent it. She does healthier in your second linked picture, just the sort to pop up 6 or 7 kids. A. Rightmann

	Breakfast used to be a joyful experience (5.00 / 2) (#6)
	by nobbystyles on Tue Sep 11th, 2001 at 01:58:53 AM PST

	I would put a couple of slices of bread in the toaster and then get the Robinson's marmalade out of the cupboard. The sight of the Jolly Golly on the jar always put me in a cheery mood reminding me of the racial harmony we enjoy in the UK. Then I would eat the toast and marmalade in front of the telly whilst watching reruns of 1970s British Sitcoms like 'Mind Your Language'.