What time is it?

It is 9:32.

How do I get back to the expressway?

You want to keep going straight until you hit the stoplight at Maple, and then take a right. Go three blocks until you hit 41st, and then take another right. The on-ramp will be about 300 yards ahead.

How are things going?

Aside from the prostate operation? Pretty damned good.

Paper or plastic?

Plastic, you tree-hugging hippie.

How do I kill Ganon?

You need to run around the chamber, randomly slashing with the Master Sword until you happen to hit him. At that point, you need to quickly switch to the Bow and Arrow and shoot a Light Arrow at him. Do this five or six times and you will recover the Triforce easily.

What day is it?

It is Tuesday. [update, by jsm] it's Wednesday. [update, by spiralx] it's now Thursday.[update, by dmg] it is now Tuesday again.

Can I be an editor? Can I can I can I pleeeeease?

Almost certainly not. That would spoil the circularity and insularity of this insular circle jerk (note: we are sophisticates, arrogantly twisting our lemon over smoked salmon steaks as we sit back, drink white wine and engage in wordplay. We do not perform 'circle jerks'. The previous sentence was a metaphor only). From time to time, new faces are inducted. Basically, if you act like as much of a dick as possible, you will be noticed. Please NB that the previous sentence said "you will be noticed", not "you will be made an editor". Please also note that being noticed by the kind of people who operate this site is unlikely to be a positive life event.

Why do you guys think you are so smart ?

We are smart. Adequacy's editors are among some of the sharpest most intelligent thinkers on the Internet today. They hold down high powered jobs in finance, politics, the arts and media. You might be surprised if you knew their real identities. If they come across as smarter than you, its because they are smarter than you. Learn to live with it.

You guys should change the site and do this and that and this other thing blah blah blah whine whine whine moan moan moan whinge whinge whinge

Primarily, this site is for the entertainment of the editors that create it. If you do not enjoy it, you're welcome to point it out, but don't expect that we will change anything. We're making this site how we want it for us, not for you.

Does this website support Godwin's law ?

No. Absolutely not. we are pro-freedom of speech and view the invocation of Godwin's law as a barrier to the free and frank exchange of views which is one of the core aims of adequacy.org. Face facts, some behaviours simply are Nazi like, there is no reason to cut down a whole line of reasonable argument because of some stupid 'Usenet' rule. We trust our readership will argue responsibly. After all Godwin's law is only needed when the discussion is immature and unsophisticated. Neither of these is likely here at Adequacy.org.

For more information, see jsm's story on Godwin's Law.

Would you like a cup of tea?

By Jingo, you are a cheeky monkey! Yes, I'll have a cup! Pip, pip!

Jesus Christ! Where do you guys get off pulling that kind of shit? I've been banned from my favourite message board for life! That's not funny! You fucking sickos!

Nine times out of ten, when we get asked this question, it's because someone has taken a liking to one of the graphics on this site, and has decided to link to it directly in a message board sig or some such. Shall we just say that a dim view is taken of this. Our bandwidth is ours, not yours, and just to prove it, we reserve the right to play around with our filenames from time to time so that your link ends up displaying something very nasty indeed. Adequacy.org has at least three members of editorial staff whose idea of fun is to crawl obsessively through server logs, and as luck would have it, they're the three with the most twisted senses of humor and largest collections of animal porn.

What is it with you guys and religion? Are you fundamentalists or what?

Nothing could be further from the truth. The editors of adequacy number one Mormon (Peter), one Scientologist (jsm), one Skeptical Buddhist (dmg), one worshipper of "a kind of generalised concept of human power, rather than an actual, physical Satan" (elby) and a host of largely irreligious atheists, agnostics, New Agers and Episcopalians. If some of us happen to agree with the extreme fringes of Christian opinion from time to time, it may be because those fundamentalists happen to have a point.

Is this site some sort of joke ?

Why in God's name are you asking if this is a joke? Consider the two possible answers:

Yes, it is a joke. Most people got it, but not you. No, you had to say "hmm... it's ludicrous, over the top and deliberately self contradictory, might it be a joke?" Of course it's a joke you ninnyhammer, did you even read the article?

No, it's not a joke. You pompous arrogant piece of shit. Does your ludicrous self-worship not allow you to believe that people might actually disagree with you? I can't believe you. Get a clue already - you aren't the fount of wisdom and there are other people out there with differing opinions.

Clearly you can see that asking if this is a joke is merely inviting abuse. Now, don't you wish you hadn't asked?

Why does story X have such strange links in the text?

Adequacy.org is a pioneer in artificial intelligence neural network technologies, and we are developing AUTOLINK (TM), an automatic link generator which scans Adequacy stories and inserts relevant hypertext links for the keywords and phrases it finds. While our careful, double-screened tests reveal that AUTOLINK (TM) generates high quality links in a much more cost-efficient way than humans, still it ocassionally inserts the bad link.

AUTOLINK (TM) has a lower error rate than humans doing comparable tasks, yet a much higher speed, allowing more links to be generated. The fact that humans have smaller absolute error rates only reflects the fact that the amount of links they generate is a few orders of magnitude smaller. Thus, AUTOLINK overall performs better.

Are Homosexuals allowed at Adequacy.org?

Yes, homosexuals are allowed to view our site, and even comment. However, one exception: the willing homosexual who begs, or anxiously awaits for male to male contact. For example, a man who is raped, or gets drunk one night, and wakes up next to a man in the morning is allowed to view our site. However, a homosexual who would attend a party already lubed up, pleasantly awaiting the first well hung black man who comes along, is not allowed here. See the difference? Oh, lesbians are, of course, not allowed. Women should be sleeping with men, not women.

Are you going to finish that sandwich?

No, you can have it. I lost my appetite after biting into that mysterious crunchy thing under the tomato. I think it's a piece of Aunt Edna's dentures.

Is it contagious?

Yes, very.

So, umm, would you like to go out with me tonight? Perhaps have some dinner, see a film?

No, creep. I, Legion (for we are many), am happily married with a girlfriend, so of course I'd be happy to go out with you, you hunk.