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Poll
Are you proud to be a wanker?
Yes. 66%
No. 16%
I'm too young to wank. 16%

Votes: 12

 It's time to rise up, stand tall, and confess:

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Mar 28, 2002
 Comments:
I am a wanker.
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Increasingly, "wanker" has become the deragatory appellation of choice on this fine website. I find it highly discouraging that such "insults" pass without challenge.

I suppose it's up to me to stand up and say

I'm proud to be a wanker. Damn proud.

Any male wondering at the utility of wanking need only investigate the condition of his sheets after a couple wankless weeks. Or take a glance at condition of the Catholic priesthood.

Nor is wanking just about the pleasures of the moment. My sexual exploration while wanking has allowed me to better appreciate the tender loving of several cute escorts, and has led me to such pleasurable and satisfying practices as male milking.

Who else will confess to a healthy pride in wanking?


Jesus is not pleased (none / 0) (#1)
by foon on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 09:59:15 PM PST
As far as your spiritual status is concerned, you are no better than a sodomist or an adulterer. Just because you can do something, does not mean that it is morally correct to do so...in fact, its usually an indication that it should not be done. As for the Catholic priests, they are degenerate not due to their abstinence from masturbation, one of the few noteworthy things they do, but because of the corruption of the papalist church, which represents the antithesis of true Christianity, as conceived by the Lord and represented today by evangelical protestantism.

Something I've always wondered: (none / 0) (#2)
by moriveth on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 11:24:42 PM PST
Do I go to hell for "spilling my seed" if I have a wet dream?

And what's the Church's position on male milking, anyway?

Don't worry. (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by tkatchev on Thu Mar 28th, 2002 at 11:33:14 PM PST
You, personally, are going to go to hell no matter what you do.


--
Peace and much love...

I was afraid of that. (5.00 / 2) (#4)
by moriveth on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 12:46:07 AM PST
It was the imperfectly stifled giggle at the crucifixion reenactment, wasn't it? O Father, I have sinned.

Retarded jokes aside... (5.00 / 2) (#8)
by tkatchev on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 10:03:02 AM PST
...I think the first step to being saved is believing in God; everything else is just implementation details.


--
Peace and much love...

Given that (5.00 / 1) (#13)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 07:11:12 PM PST
hell is simply "not believing in god", I think that's pretty logical.

 
Saved? (none / 0) (#15)
by The Mad Scientist on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 05:24:42 AM PST
From what?

Is it another handful of cheap promises peddled to us like an opium?

Saved from your inane comments (n/t) (none / 0) (#16)
by Ben Reid on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 05:29:59 AM PST



Oh - I touched a nerve? (nt) (none / 0) (#17)
by The Mad Scientist on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 05:56:34 AM PST



 
Yes. Opium. (5.00 / 1) (#18)
by tkatchev on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 06:21:34 AM PST
Opium for the people, brother!

Belive in the monkey man!

The monkey will make you strong and feed your kids!


--
Peace and much love...

 
You're a Calvinist now? (none / 0) (#5)
by elenchos on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 01:43:51 AM PST
(nt)


I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

 
Everyone goes there. (none / 0) (#10)
by The Mad Scientist on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 03:03:22 PM PST
There are at least two mutually exclusive religions claiming that all its non-followers will go to hell.

According to their own proofs, they are right.

Therefore there is no chance to not end in hell.


 
Hedonism (3.00 / 1) (#6)
by SpaceGhoti on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 03:03:29 AM PST
Just because you can do something, does not mean that it is morally correct to do so...in fact, its usually an indication that it should not be done.

Ooh, I love this kind of stuff. I can walk out my door and live a productive life, but because I can it's an indication that I shouldn't. I could go out and get drunk, or I could go out and do charity work. Because I can, I shouldn't do either.

There is medical research to suggest that all sorts of "sinful" behavior is, in fact, healthy for us. Even drinking alcohol can be healthy. The difference lay in our behavior. Excessive wanking, like excessive alcohol, is unhealthy for us. It is not bad for us in and of itself. It all depends on how we abuse things.

Why do I mention physical health when, in fact, our spiritual health is far more important? Because if you do a little research, you'll find a lot of "sins" listed in religious texts such as the Bible are actually prohibitions against physical problems, such as the eating of pork or raw blood. The old straw about "cleanliness is next to godliness" is less about spiritual purity and more about physical health.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.


A troll's true colors.

 
You type well for only using one hand (3.00 / 2) (#7)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 05:57:52 AM PST
does your rattlesnake mind the keys clicking?

When your short-sighted, snake-handling, babbling, heretical, open-sorced evangelical church has even lasted 500 years, then you might have a small justification in criticizing the True Church, until then, keep trying to deny your sinfulness by ostentatiously broadcasting your piety.


A. Rightmann

Well (none / 0) (#9)
by Right Hand Man on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 12:11:03 PM PST
I try to stay away from bashing other Christians, once we rid the world of abortion and homosexuality and various other abominations we can worry about the small details between us, so I don't want to appear to support the original poster.

I do feel as though I should point out that good Christians generally don't keep their snakes in the house as pets. Just as Catholics don't sit down to platefuls of communion wafers at supper, the snakes are brought out for the purposes of worship only. If you aren't full of the Spirit of the Lord they are much more likely to take a shot at you, and I've been told that recovery is a pretty tough road if you don't have a good solid church service as a send off.


-------------------------
"Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

Umm... (none / 0) (#11)
by The Mad Scientist on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 03:07:37 PM PST
...and I've been told that recovery is a pretty tough road if you don't have a good solid church service as a send off.

As far as I know, a serum is more effective than a church service, when it comes to a snake bite. At least I know more than well what I would seek.

Of course, the best way to handle snake bites is to not get them, and the best way to achieve that goal is to keep away from poisonous snakes.


Thanks (4.00 / 1) (#12)
by budlite on Fri Mar 29th, 2002 at 05:30:48 PM PST
Of course, the best way to handle snake bites is to not get them, and the best way to achieve that goal is to keep away from poisonous snakes.

Thanks for the advice. I'll stay well away from Yoshi next time a computer-related post comes up.

 
Maybe (none / 0) (#19)
by Right Hand Man on Tue Apr 2nd, 2002 at 10:00:22 AM PST
I have no idea whether serum is more effective than a church service, although, since this is a life or death situation here, I'll be sticking to the church service. It has proven effective for me twice before so I see no reason to stop now.

Of course the best way to handle snake bites is not to get them, but your admonition to avoid them altogether is far from correct. How could one worship properly? The best way to avoid being bitten is to keep one's faith in God strong, as you can plainly see from the following passages:

They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. -Mark 16:18

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. -Luke 10:19

Quite obviously, God will protect believers from the venom of snakes. This has been proven more times than I can count. I have seen His miracles with my own eyes.


-------------------------
"Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

 
I did. (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by jvance on Sat Mar 30th, 2002 at 12:54:24 AM PST
I rose up, stood tall, confessed, and then sat down and fell asleep.
--
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

 

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