I don't expect black tie etiquette from my friends and acquaintances, really I don't. It doesn't bother me if someone uses the dinner fork for his salad or extends his hand before I offer mine. Not everyone was raised in households that place emphasis on the little things.

But there are some things that are just Too Much.

My roommate is a delightful person who has managed to saddle himself with a group of rather dubious 'friends' through his unwillingness to be firm in the face of unacceptable behavior. This weekend, he had one of these people over to celebrate his return from Germany and christen some newly-acquired beer glasses. Together with local friends (in the true sense of the word), we got quite the respectable little party going.

As the night wore on, my roommate's 'friend' (I shall call him AA, for 'australopithecus aethiopicus', whose cultural level he displays) became increasingly buzzed. Not intoxicated, drunk, plastered, or shitfaced, just buzzed. AA claimed never to have been drunk before--loudly, and to anyone who looked at him for longer than half a second. He kept up a running commentary of his physical symptoms, how miserable he was, and his wish that any present might prevent him from repeating his mistake in the future. I would qualify AA as a very unpleasant drunk, save for the fact that he was not actually drunk. He was still capable of maintaining balance, carrying on a lucid conversation, and focusing his eyes. Eventually, his antics caused the remainer of the guests to seek refuge on the porch, leaving him in sole control of the living room.

Gradually, people filtered home--except for AA, who was to be a houseguest for the night. With one last attempt to convince his hosts that he was on the verge of alcohol poisoning, AA fell asleep on the couch. It was now 3 in the morning. After collecting empties and such, my roommate and I retired as well.

Morning dawned disgustingly cheerful. I rose like a zombie from the grave of bedsheets to seek breakfast. My roommate was in the living room, having successfully awakened AA after an hour's effort, and was now trying to get him in the car and on his way home. For his part, AA was insisting that he couldn't move due to his hangover. Interestingly enough, his hangover symptoms appeared to me identical to his behavior of the night before. At long last, my roommate, with an apologetic glance my way, dragged AA out the door. I thought no more of it and went about my business.

Then, several hours later, there came a knock. I answered the door, only to find AA leaning against the doorframe. He told me he had fallen asleep in his parked car and asked if he could use the bathroom. I told him he was welcome to, after a sufficiently long pause to let him know that he was not. He brushed past me and disappeared into the bathroom. Having plans for the evening, I prepared to leave with AA when he emerged. In the fullness of time, he did so--then installed himself on the couch.

At an utter loss for words, I stood and stared. Then, with icy clarity, I asked him if he didn't think it was rather late in the day and perhaps he should be getting home. If he heard me, he gave no sign. I then told him that it was time he left. Again, he did not respond. Then I told him to get out, in as many words. He groaned. Mark me for a soft touch--I didn't call the police. I merely told him that he could let himself out, and stormed off to my appointment, fully expecting human decency to have propelled him out the door by the time I returned.

When I let myself back in, it was nearly midnight, and whom do you think I found on the couch, playing video games and looking at me guiltily?

The phone rang, forestalling an unpleasant confrontation. It was my roommate, who had been out of the state since pulling AA out the door in the morning, calling from his mobile phone to find AA. With great relief, I turned the handset over to the parasite on the sofa, with the result that he finally left for good, and I was spared the necessity of involving law enforcement.

I am curious about just how pathological AA's personality is, that he felt he could manipulate the sympathies of those around him with exaggerated complaints and feigned illness.

I am curious just how poorly AA was brought up that he found it acceptable to stay, without an invitation, at his hosts' home when neither were present, when in fact he had been told to leave.

What exactly is happening to manners? I was taught that drunkeness, while not necessarily shameful, was certainly not a condition to be proud of. I was taught to say 'please' and 'thank you'. I was taught that the absence of prohibition does not constitute an invitation. I was taught that common courtesy is like a suit of clothes--one doesn't leave one's home without it. But it seems to me increasingly that not only do few people bother to wear this 'suit', few even have it hanging in their closet.