Man Disappointed By Game Console, Offends Roommate

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DAVIS, CA - Dave Calgary, a 19 year old student at UC Davis, offended his roommate, Sean Gregg, 20, with his repining remark about the quality of the Playstation 2's visualization capabilities. Calgary claims that his remark about the graphics "totally sucking major ass" is not an insult to the eremite Gregg, but rather an observation Calgary witnessed during one of Gregg's immense cerebration exercises.

"Dude, the Playstation 2's graphics are totally great," insisted Gregg, the highly unoffical plenipotentiary of Sony.

"All I was saying is that I thought you were playing a Super Nintendo game. I expect more for $300," the contrite Calgary rebutted.

Calgary, the founder of Friends Against Gaming (FAG), has a history of pernicious anti-gaming remarks, such as "Final Fantasy is gay" and "Sean, get a job." Through all of Calgary's oppressive anti-gaming travails, Gregg still firmly believes that games are not "gay," but "totally radical." Gregg attributes Calgary's mendacious behavior to his blasphemous covert worship of Sephiroth, a Final Fantasy villain.

"I've totally seen Sephiroth demonize people," added Gregg. As Gregg assumed, Calgary denies any malfeasance worship of Sephiroth.

"I think Sean just needs to get off his ass, and go outside. Maybe get a girlfriend, too," hinted Calgary, feasting of Ruffles and sour cream dip. Calgary who hasn't had a girlfriend in ten months, claims that he's still getting a lot of "action with the ladies," even with his lack of active female interaction. Despite Calgary's advice, Gregg continues to be a languid troglodyte, but simply demands a sanctum free of anti-gaming tyranny.

"I just want people to realize that the Playstation 2, and games in general are like hella cool. I'm just still pissed about his comments" noted Gregg. "There's nothing like playing 11 hours of video games to ease the pain."

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	This isn't bad (none / 0) (#1)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Dec 3rd, 2001 at 11:24:01 AM PST

	but there's a reason the Onion's getting stale. The 'inane news item' thing has been done so many times it's ridiculous. Plus, it has no controversy. You might try submitting this to BBSpot, if they take submissions. I think the whole goal of that site is to be like the Onion but more g**k-oriented.