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 I've hit an epiphany

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Nov 06, 2001
 Comments:
Today, I learned why men are supposed to treat women like shit. I've been told many times in the past its the only way to deal with them, I didn't understand why until now.
diaries

More diaries by opivy
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I've seen it, I didn't like it, I've always tried my hardest not to do it my self. I didn't believe my dad or my friends about it.

I'd known her for 5 years, I thought she was great. I hadn't seen over a year. She's in one of my classes, and for a while seemed to be trying to get my attention. I introduced my self to her, and it went really well. Not wanting to inflate her head too much, I ignored her for a week. She seemed hurt by it, so I apologized. I talked with her friend about it, I told her friend how much I liked her and that I felt confused with the responses I'd received from her since the first time we talked. I saw her a few days later, asked if her friend talked about what I said, and told her I was confused. She still seemed to be hurt about me ignoring her. I saw her friend again, said I'd felt really, really bad about hurting her feelings, and that I wanted her to give me a ring over the weekend. I'd talked with her several times before this, I was nice, I was respectful. Today, waiting for class to start, I overheard her and the said friend actually laughing about me feeling bad about this. I'm now absolutely livid. This was no major incident, but I now understand why men are to treat women like shit - they crave it. They need it, it's all they understand, and from now on, I shall treat them as the walking sperm banks.


I've just had an epiphany too (4.50 / 2) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 6th, 2001 at 11:14:00 PM PST
You're a loser.


No (none / 0) (#2)
by opivy on Tue Nov 6th, 2001 at 11:16:47 PM PST
I was deluded into thinking being nice would get me somewhere.


"It's not the people who vote that count: only the people that count the votes" - Joseph Stalin

Yes (none / 0) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Nov 6th, 2001 at 11:27:30 PM PST
You're deluded, period. She was probably just laughing about you being such a dork.


 
Deluded all right (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by SpaceGhoti on Tue Nov 6th, 2001 at 11:38:47 PM PST
As far as I understand it from what you've described, your mistake was paying attention to her, ignoring you, then making a big deal about it. You should have not ignored her, and failing that you should have stopped at one apology. Apologizing to her, then going into detail with her friend made you look ridiculous.

Oh well, better luck next time.



A troll's true colors.

 
Oh my, you're a moron... (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by noah Oneye on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 08:14:34 AM PST
Dude.

Look at yourself:

I introduced my self to her, and it went really well. Not wanting to inflate her head too much, I ignored her for a week.

How can you even post that with a straight face? This is not "being nice". This is being a fool. And when you do wish to begin a relationship with a woman, try talking to HER, as opposed to doing the whole junior highschool "I think your friend is cute, tee hee" thing. Women tend to respect people who aren't afraid to speak directly to them.

But most importantly, remember: ignoring is not nice.


"...and in your free time you can make me sandwiches..."

 
I always wonder... (5.00 / 4) (#5)
by Mendax Veritas on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 12:05:49 AM PST
...when I see something this bad, if it's someone violating our anti-trolling rule. But let's at least seem to take this seriously for a moment, and consider the issues raised.
I introduced my self to her, and it went really well. Not wanting to inflate her head too much, I ignored her for a week.
Translation into English: You started playing head games on day one. Bad way to try to start a relationship. Indicative of an asshole.
She seemed hurt by it, so I apologized. [...] I saw her a few days later, [...] and told her I was confused.
What did you have to be confused about? You were a jerk to her and she wasn't impressed. Why is this a surprise?
Today, waiting for class to start, I overheard her and the said friend actually laughing about me feeling bad about this.
You don't tell us what they were actually saying, so this is hard to decipher. Maybe they were just laughing about you being such a jerk and thinking that you were going to get somewhere with her by being an asshole and then putting on a sniveling pity act. Which is sort of amusing.
I now understand
Absolutely nothing.
why men are to treat women like shit - they crave it.
Nonsense, mostly.

There are some women who seem to need to be mistreated, but that's usually because they were raised in abusive homes; they subconsciously expect to be hurt, and they think that's what people who love you do to you. ("If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't bother hitting me.") Unless you're stupid, you don't want to be involved with that sort of woman, because she'll make sure you suffer as much as she does. Fortunately, that sort of woman is a minority of the adult female population.

Additionally, some very young women (and from your tone and your references to school, I'll guess that you're still in your teens, probably still in high school, or maybe even middle school) go through a period in adolescence in which, having realized that their sexuality gives them some power over men (or, more accurately, men give them power because of sexuality), they experiment with manipulation and minor emotional cruelties. Most of them outgrow it after a few years. (This is one reason I'm glad to no longer be a teenager.) So don't make assumptions about the nature of women on the basis of a few teenage girls on a power trip.

Lastly, and perhaps most relevantly to your case, like tends to attract like. Reading your story, I don't see the slightest trace of anything in your nature that would make you a good boyfriend. You're obviously self-obsessed, you play stupid head games, and you're an immature dork. Which, among other things, adds up to someone who does not really have relationships with other people, but instead merely exploits them in various ways. Any nice, sensible girl will get away from you as quickly as possible once she figures out what you're all about; therefore, due in large part to your own character flaws, you will tend to be involved only with women who are just as lousy as you are, or who are too dumb to figure you out. Which means, of course, that you will have a poor opinion of women. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Fortunately for you, you're young. You have time to improve yourself if you want to, and some of your problems may just be ordinary immaturity. With luck, you'll be a better person in another few years; in which case, you'll find, surprise surprise, that you find more rewarding relationships. Funny how that works.


just a nit (none / 0) (#11)
by alprazolam on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 09:41:26 AM PST
your claim that women don't want to be treated poorly is generally not borne out i'd say, especially among women under the age of say 20. now i'm not saying they want to be hit or treated really bad, but a good many of them do want to be treated like shit at least part of the time. of course this is only if you know that "you care about them".

again this doesn't really apply to most emotionally mature wormen, but those are by no means the majority of eligible (<28 years old) women out there.


 
women are walking shit (3.00 / 2) (#7)
by osm on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 01:14:32 AM PST
throw the whore into a brown paper bag, light it on fire and throw it on someone's doorstep.


 
Un-fucking-believable. (4.50 / 2) (#8)
by chloedancer on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 01:20:35 AM PST
You're willing to trash a possible opportunity to get to know someone you've admired for five years' time all because your pride was wounded? Color me callous, but you're the one causing yourself the misery right now -- not her.

Go ahead and choose to believe that women crave being treated like shit if that's what it takes to keep your ego intact. But consider this: might the real truth instead be that you get off on perceiving yourself as being a "victim" because it's less dangerous than actually trying for something likely to offer greater sustenance than such revolting treacle?

It's probably a moot point, but here's a clue as to what would have caught her attention in a manner that would have held better odds for moving the relationship to the next level... Instead of playing games like "not wanting to inflate her head too much" and ignoring her (how inexcusably juvenile, really), what if you'd told her honestly and directly what you admire about her and followed it up with continued genuine, low-key, friendly interest? Realize also that talking to her friend instead was an excellent stragegy for keeping you on the periphery without having to make an actual face-time investment (not to mention the fact that it almost certainly tipped her off to your emotional immaturity if she had even a shread of common sense). Could you have been any more obtuse in this circumstance?

Ah, but doing otherwise would have involved some actual risk on your part and you'd have to challenge yourself by developing your character or learning how to tell someone that they mean something to you in "real time", etc. And you'd also have to surrender your coveted membership to the "Lonely Whining Guys Club"... nevermind.

I don't mean to be vicious, really. I'm just fed up with individuals of either gender who beat their chests and moan about how unfairly they've been treated by a potential love interest because s/he isn't interested in playing games. How can you delude yourself into thinking you deserve better if this is the best you're willing to give? It's as amazing as it is unconscionable, really.


No (none / 0) (#14)
by opivy on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 07:01:44 PM PST
You're willing to trash a possible opportunity to get to know someone you've admired for five years' time all because your pride was wounded?

My pride is not the issue here, but the fact I was mocked for having given a shit is. I'm hurt, but not because of my pride. I always thought she stood out among other girls, I thought she deserved respect. Another thing that always stood out, no matter how much I told my self it wasn't there, is the fact she has self esteem issues. I went out of my way to be overly nice and to complement her, as I was deluded into thinking I could make her feel special for it. What hurts is I've found out that after five years I was dead wrong. Make no mistake, a girl with self esteem issues is one thing I absolutely will not consider a relationship with, but this time I'd fooled my self into thinking she thought something of her self. I asked her face to face if she had no interest in me, she didn't reply, but the rest of that specific conversation went very well. Had she been in class the two days I spoke with her friend I wouldn't have gone through this person, but I had no choice. I gave her the chance to tell me to piss off, but she chose to not leave me with a shred of dignity. That is what I'm furious about, pride isn't the issue, but a person who cannot, no will not, leave another with even one shred of dignity left is the problem. A good example of her level of self esteem would be the time I saw her when she was 16 huffing butane gas to get high, Christ how could I have been so foolish as to think she didn't have a problem. In all honesty I do not feel as bitter as the above diary entry sounds - I wrote it out of pure anger.


"It's not the people who vote that count: only the people that count the votes" - Joseph Stalin

What I'm understanding from this (none / 0) (#19)
by chloedancer on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 08:33:08 AM PST
Christ how could I have been so foolish as to think she didn't have a problem.

Because she didn't react in the manner in which you would have preferred, you'll reach for any plausible means to trash her character so you can feel better about yourself.

...pride isn't the issue, but a person who cannot, no will not, leave another with even one shred of dignity left is the problem.

Really? Pride is, by definition, a sense of one's own proper dignity or value, and you've stated yourself that you're angry because she didn't treat you with the level of respect you believe you deserve. And your postings on this subject could be characterized as arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness -- another reflection of prideful behavior. Nope, I think I hit the nail squarely on the head with that one. C'est la vie.

Why not cut your losses, get over it, and try to be a little more respectful yourself (sans head games) the next time around? Your dignity might fare better if your actions are more worthy of esteem and respect.


 
yeah, whatever (none / 0) (#20)
by nathan on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 08:53:46 AM PST
What a bunch of words.

Nathan
--
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

 
You made your bed... (none / 0) (#24)
by egg troll on Sat Nov 10th, 2001 at 09:02:55 PM PST
My pride is not the issue here, but the fact I was mocked for having given a shit is.

If you gave such a shit about her, why did you ignore her for a week, right off the bat? A day or two can be cool sometimes, but longer than that and as another poster said, its just a headgame. Whether or not you meant to, you fucked with her and now you're paying the price. My advice to you is to learn from this for next time.


Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

 
You hit an epiphany? (none / 0) (#9)
by zikzak on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 01:59:22 AM PST
I hit an allegory once while driving through Florida.


 
my advice (none / 0) (#12)
by nathan on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 11:45:48 AM PST
...is to try a little golden rule. You don't like it if people dick you around? Don't dick them around. People persist on treating you badly? Get some new friends. But remember the Talmudic injunction: If a man calleth you an ass, ignore him. If two do, purchase a saddle.

Nathan
--
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Injunction (5.00 / 3) (#13)
by aoc on Wed Nov 7th, 2001 at 06:30:33 PM PST
That's an interesting quote, but it seems that it would put an unfair cost of living burden on libertarians.


 
dude (none / 0) (#17)
by plastik55 on Thu Nov 8th, 2001 at 12:25:45 AM PST
You're an immature asshole. Even in comparison to me. Which says a lot.

---
You fucking terror midget. Die a firey fucking death. -- Matthew 30:06

 

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